Bill W

A Tragic Love

Chapters 9-15

David's father had not been too happy when we ran into him the next afternoon but I shook it off as a bad day at the office. David said later that his father started making little comments about finding friends closer to home and he told David that we came from two different worlds and we would never be long- term friends. We were beginning to wonder if his dad had somehow found out about our sexual encounters. David concluded that, if he had, he would have most likely ordered David to stop seeing me, so we dismissed the idea.

David and I were already planning to spend the week of spring break together. My mom was happy that I had such a special friend, if only she knew how special, and she agreed to the arrangement. This time, Grandpa grudgingly told my mom that he'd do my chores. I was really glad that she asked him this time and not me.

All signs of winter were starting to fade away and the warm spring weather was starting to become the norm. Every morning, I could hear the birds begin to sing their welcome to the spring renewal of life and I could smell of the signs of the blossoming of new plant life.

The time had come and we were attending our last day of classes before the weeklong recess. David told me that he wouldn't be back from an outing with his dad (no, not that kind of outing) until late Sunday and I was to come over Monday morning, late morning so he could sleep in.

I was kind of wishing that the poets and authors were right, that in the spring a young boy's fancy turns to thoughts of love (and, hopefully, sex). If I was truly lucky, David would be already infected. Well, I know they were right, at least about me.

Monday morning I set my alarm so I wouldn't oversleep. I never set my alarm when I'm on vacation. Oh, well. I guess that I'm hopeless. Anyway, I got out of bed, prepared myself and packed my backpack, looking forward to five days alone with my soul mate.

I arrived at David's house but I didn't see him around. I rang the doorbell and one of the domestics let me in; she knew who I was from my previous visits. I bounded up the stairs, quietly opened his door, and saw him sleeping peacefully on his bed. I ran toward the bed, threw my body in the air, and landed on my target. David jolted upward as I made impact.

"Wake up, sleepyhead. Time to rise and shine."

"You scared the shit out of me, you asshole. Fine way to treat the one you love. You almost gave me a heart attack."

"Sorry, I just couldn't resist the temptation."

"Apology accepted, though I'm not sure why. Let me get dressed and we'll go get something to eat."

"I prefer you without your clothes."

"I bet you do, but the help doesn't get much work done when I run around nude."

"So, you've done that before?"

"No, you asshole. I just concluded that they would be hopelessly distracted once they saw this perfect male specimen."

"Think again, buddy, and, hey, that's the second time in a few minutes that you've called me an asshole. Are you hinting that you want me to leave or you don't love me any more?"

"Neither. I was just was lashing out because of the extremely rude way I was awakened. Come on, I've got to eat to get enough strength to fool with you."

"Multi-course breakfast coming up. Follow me to your table, sir."

I ate, too, even though I had already eaten at home. I guess my boy metabolism was in overdrive in anticipation of the day's menu of events. We finished breakfast slightly before lunchtime and we returned to David's room. David shut the door and made his first request.

"Billy, I'm very horny and I want you to ride my dick like you were busting broncos. What do you think?"

"I don't have to think. I'm ready, willing, and, I hope to prove to you, able."

We started to undress each other, fumbling with the buttons, belts, and zippers, trying to fulfill David's needs. We started the foreplay: kissing, licking, groping – all the usual stuff. David rolled over and reached into his nightstand and extracted the bottle of baby oil I gave him for Christmas. I lubed up his granite pole and he started to oil up my love tunnel. He worked various combinations of fingers into my chute until I informed him I was ready.

David laid on the bed, pushing his penis forward so it was standing up straight. I squatted over him, lowering my pucker hole until it touched the head of his cock. I dropped onto it, swallowing the head quickly, and then I slid down his shaft until my testicles were resting in his patch of pubic hair.

He smiled blissfully, in anticipation of what was to come, and I started to ride my boy like I was a rodeo star. I was launching skyward and then crashing back into his lap, delirious from the sensations that his penis caused as it constantly stroked my prostate. We were in the throes of passion when the door to his room opened and we realized, too late, that the door was never locked.

"David. Have you seen my…"

It was David's dad and he froze when he saw what we were doing.

"You fucking little faggot! What are you doing to my son?"

I jumped off of David and landed on the far side of his bed, away from his father. I was trying to apologize to him as I reached for my clothes. I found my pants and shirt but I knew that my sneakers were on the other side of the bed. There was no way I was going to worry about my briefs and my socks.

I looked up and saw David's father charging me, approaching around the foot of the bed. I leapt in the air and bounded over the still immobile form of my lover and I landed on the floor on the other side of the bed. I grabbed my sneakers, flew out the door, bounded down the back stairs, and bolted out of the house. I ran off the deck and onto the lawn, heading toward the tree house. When I turned around, there was no one following me and I decided that David's father must have either given up or he was talking to David. Damn, was I glad that I wasn't in my lover's place!

I dressed quickly and put on my shoes. I was just finishing tying the laces when I saw David's father striding out onto the deck. He looked around, saw me under the tree, and came off the deck the same side that I had. As he moved in my direction, I ran to the other side of the yard, past the pool, through the barbecue/bar area, and out the gate by the garage. I ran out front, jumped on my bike and headed for home. When I was at the end of the first block, I heard a car start behind me. I looked back and saw David's father backing his car into the street. Shit, he wasn't going to give up.

I started cutting down side streets, turning left here and right there, trying to lose his father in a maze of streets. I had turned several times, as I approached the less desirable side of town, and I neared the road that would take me to my grandfather's house. Thank God that David's father didn't know exactly where I lived. I was making my final turn before I reached the home stretch when I heard the wailing of a siren and saw the flashing lights of a police car approaching rapidly from behind me. Damn! He must have called the police from his cell phone while he was driving his car.

I pedaled up my road, with the cop car pulling up even with me, and the officer inside the vehicle was telling me to give up.

"Pull it over, son. You can't outrun a car."

I kept going. There was no way I was going to let him lock me up.

"Listen, kid. Stop right now before you force me to take more serious action.

I pedaled harder, ignoring his advice.

"Have it your way, kid," he yelled as he swerved the car in front of my bike and slammed on the brakes.

I tried to avoid crashing into his fender but the front tire of the bike grazed the front bumper of the car and the collision threw me into the ditch. When I looked up, the policeman was standing over me, reaching to help me up. I tried to move away but he grabbed my shirt. I swiveled around, unexpectedly, and knocked his arm away, causing him to lose his grip on my garment.

I heard him utter a few expletives as I raced up the bank. I was just about to reach the top of the little knoll when something entangled my legs and caused me to come crashing forward. I later found out that the officer had tackled me. It was my luck that he was a former high school football player.

He slid his body forward, putting his weight on the back on my legs. He grabbed my left arm, twisted it behind my back, and I felt the cold steel of the handcuffs slide around my wrist. With my left arm secure, he reached for my right arm and performed the same operation. Now, there wasn't a whole hell of a lot that I could do.

He pulled me into a standing position and dragged me down the embankment, toward his car. Just before he pushed me into the back seat, he addressed me.

"You're in a whole heap of shit now, son." What a masterful way to state the obvious.

As the officer was loading my bike into the trunk, I saw Mr. Michaels drive up behind us. He glared at me through the back window, pointed to the bike, and said something to the policeman, then got back in his car and drove away.

The cop got back in his car and, the next thing I knew, I was standing in front of the desk sergeant, who was filling out some forms. I was placed in a cell, away from all other prisoners (probably because of my age), and I sat alone, shaking, wondering what would happen to me next.

I was overwhelmed by this massive sinking feeling in the pit of my gut that told me that my life, as I knew it, was over and I would probably never see David again. I sat there becoming more and more depressed when the main door opened and in walked my mother, my grandfather, and some guy in a suit.

I couldn't look my mother or grandfather in the eye, as they introduced the other man as my attorney, Mr. Shay. I couldn't believe this, me in need of a lawyer. Who'd have thought that I would have ended up in a mess like this?

Mr. Shay started to explain the situation and he let all of us know what would happen next.

"The boy's a juvenile, so this will be handled in family court. We will have to go before the judge, he will order an investigation, some people will come to visit and talk with you, and then the judge will make a ruling. Even though it looks bleak, you're in the best possible position by having this dealt with in family court and not in criminal court."

"What's the boy charged with?" That was my grandfather asking the question.

"From what I've seen, he's being charged with petty larceny and resisting arrest."

"What'd you steal, Billy?" my grandfather asked, looking me directly in the eye.

"Nothing, honest."

"Mr. Shay. What did they say the boy stole?"

"The report mentioned something about a bicycle but I won't know for sure until I get my copy of the complaint form."

"I didn't steal the bike. My friend David gave it to me."

"Well, if we can verify that, we can get rid of that charge. They'll probably release Billy into your custody while we wait to go to court but he'll probably end up here for the night. They still have to finish filling out the charges, get complaints signed, forward copies to the D.A.'s office and me, and then find a judge to hear the preliminary. Court will most likely be out for the day before all of that is done. Just hold in there, Billy, and I'll see you tomorrow morning. Mr. & Mrs. Maynard, if you'll come with me, I have some things to go over with you and some paperwork that needs to be signed."

"My name's Ross. Maynard was the last name of my daughter's worthless husband," my grandfather snapped back at my lawyer.

"Sorry, my mistake. Mrs. Maynard and Mr. Ross, will you please follow me?

I watched them leave and I heard the dull thud of the lock closing behind them, telling me that I was completely alone in this place. I felt great when the lawyer told me that we could get the theft charged dropped but my heart sank when he told me that I'd probably have to spend the night.

I looked at my surroundings. The cell must have been about ten feet long and ten feet wide. It had a stainless steel cot, with a thin mattress, sheet, blanket, and some ratty old pillow. There was a stainless steel sink, a stainless steel toilet (with no toilet seat), and a stainless steel table with a stool, both of which were bolted down to the cement floor. Yeah, this looked like it was going to be a whole lot of fun.

About an hour later, I heard the door being opened again and one of the guards came in, carrying a tray of food and a carton of milk. It looks like it is dinnertime. There was some unknown meat, a few French fries, and a scoop of corn on the tray. There was also a small piece of cake, which reminded me of the birthday cake that David and I had shared on our special night.

The guard came back a half an hour later and collected the tray and spoon I ate with. He said lights out would be at nine and breakfast would be served at six. I haven't gone to bed by nine since I was eight and I don't remember ever getting up by six. I walked over and lay down on the cot, staring at the ceiling and going over the events of the day in my head. My dream week, which I had looked forward to with such expectation, had just crashed and burned. Now, I was spending my vacation behind bars. I must have drifted off to sleep, constantly replaying the nightmare that had only just begun.

Chapter 10
Judgment Day

It must have been around eight when I heard the main door being opened and I saw Mr. Shay, my mom, and my grandfather as they entered the common area in front of my cage. The guard let them into my cell, so I jumped up and offered them my cot to sit on. I walked over and sat on the stool beside the cot while they got comfortable.

"I think we should get right to work," my lawyer began. "I've got copies of the charges and there are three counts which have been lodged against Billy. The first count is a petty larceny charge, alleging that Billy stole a green 5-speed bike." Mr. Shay held up his hand to keep me from interrupting about the bike having been a loan from David. "The second count is for resisting arrest. From the report, it says Billy fought with the arresting officer to get away. The third count is a charge of sodomy. It seems Billy and another boy were caught doing an unnatural act by the other boy's father. We must start to prepare our defense to these charges, so we'll go over them together."

"Mr. Shay," my grandfather interrupted, "I'm not sure I understand this sodomy charge they've brought against Billy. What does it mean?"

"It means Billy was caught having deviate sexual intercourse with another young boy."

"What do you mean by deviate sexual intercourse?"

"That's anal intercourse, Mr. Ross. Billy and this other boy were having anal sex."

"Billy ain't no damn homo. Tell him, Billy." My grandfather looked over at me, expecting me to confirm this to Mr. Shay. All I could do was hang my head and remain speechless.

"Billy, is it true then? Did you really do this thing?" My grandfather sat there and stared at me as I continued to look at the floor and not respond to him. "You mean my grandson is a damn fairy? You mean my own flesh and blood is a friggin' cock-sucker and butt-fucker? Are you going to answer me, boy?" Once again I could not respond to my grandfather's question and my silence was all the answer that he needed. "Well, I'm not going to help a disgusting little fudge packer get out of trouble for doing that sick shit with another boy. Come on, Delores, we're leaving."

"Dad, will you calm down? Billy needs our help."

"Well, he isn't getting any help from me unless he can tell me he isn't a card carrying, fudge packing faggot like they say. Can you tell me that, boy?" Again, I just sat there with my head down and my mouth closed.

"See, Delores, your son is a sick little homo. He's a no good, sick, mother-fucking queer. I can't and won't help him, if that's the case. The things that he does are disgusting and he's no longer welcome in my home and I wash my hands of him. Now, let's go."

"Dad. I can't. He's my son."

"You either leave with me now or you can collect your things and move out as well."

Mom stood there speechless for a few seconds. After she regained her composure, she leaned over and kissed me on the forehead. "I'll be back, honey. Don't worry," she whispered to me so no one else could hear her. "I just need to discuss things with your grandfather. It will be okay, you'll see," and then she turned around and left with Gramps.

I think Mr. Shay was as shocked as I was but, after a lengthy, awkward pause, he turned back to me and tried to continue to do his job.

"Listen, kid, it's probably better that we talk these things over by ourselves, anyway. Don't worry. Your grandfather will calm down and then he'll be back. So will your mother. She was just put into an awkward position with her father about all of this. Try not to think about it any more and let's see if we can set up our defense."

I wasn't sure Mr. Shay was right about my grandfather but I did expect my mom to come back. I mean, she even said she would but, God, did I feel all alone.

Mr. Shay and I talked about everything mentioned in the charges. He said he would talk to David about the bike and get that charge dropped. He also suggested that we could, hopefully, explain the sodomy charge away as some sort of adolescent male experimentation. He said the hardest charge to get rid of would be the resisting arrest charge. On that charge, it would be my word against that of a police officer, so I probably wouldn't be believed. He said he would approach that charge as though I was just scared and reacting from fright. He would claim that I didn't know what I was doing and that I didn't know I was in any trouble.

After Mr. Shay left, I started thinking about everything we had discussed. I was sure that David would confirm that he gave me the bike to use, so that wouldn't be a problem. Of course, by trying to run away, I got myself into more trouble. Wouldn't you know that I'd end up doing something that would only make matters worse? That wasn't the worst part, though. It was the sodomy charge that had me worried the most. After the details of that little event got around town, everyone would know I was gay. I'd become the target of every homophobe in the school during the day and all the gay-bashing townies the rest of the time. There would be no way that I could go back to school after word spread about me and I probably couldn't even live in this town safely. Maybe mom and I could move somewhere else and then I could go to a new school. I'd miss David, that's for sure, but I was positive that his father would never let me see him again anyway.

I was hoping that the courts and David's father could keep David's name out of the information that was released to the public or to the press, so he wouldn't become a target too. If not, he could always tell people I forced him into it. Maybe that would protect him but I wasn't so sure that would keep him out of harm's way.

Now, all I could think about was the last seven months and all the wonderful times that David and I had shared together and how it had all abruptly ended. I'm not sure if I can go on without David in my life but there doesn't seem to be any alternative to our being separated. Already, there was a gigantic hole in my heart from thinking about us never being together again, and the pain I felt from the thoughts of losing him was immense. If I'm going to have to live with this type of pain, then I don't think I want to live at all. I will give it a chance to see what happens, though. I will try to play this situation through and pray that some time in the future I will be able to find my way back into my lover's arms.

It was sometime after lunch when Mr. Shay and my mom returned.

"Billy, I've spoken to Mr. Michaels and his son, but they insist that the bike was not given to you. Mr. Michaels is insistent that the bicycle was stolen."

"Did David tell you that?"

"Well, not exactly. David wouldn't speak much in front of father and his father wouldn't let me speak to him alone. If you ask me, the kid looked scared, very scared. His father insisted that the bike had not been a gift or a loan but that you stole it that morning as you left his home. I asked David if this was true and he merely nodded his head yes, not even able to look me in the face. From seeing how David was reacting, I'm sure what you told me is true but I think David is much too afraid of his father to defy him on this one. The judge probably won't even see David, and the court will only hear Mr. Michaels' version of the charge."

I sat there, not even worrying about the charge. All I could think about was how my poor David was being bullied by his father and that he was scared and unhappy. Oh, how my heart ached for him. How could I have helped to cause him all this pain?

"Billy, we have our first meeting with the judge in a little over an hour. The police will take you to court, and your mom and I will meet you there. I've got to go now and you can have some time to talk alone with your mother. I'm sure you two have a lot of things to discuss."

As Mr. Shay was leaving, my mom put her arm around me and gave me a hug. "I'm sorry, Mom, I didn't mean to cause you all this trouble."

"Hush, baby. Don't worry about me. Just worry about yourself."

"Has Grandpa cooled down yet?"

"I'm afraid not. In fact, I think he's even angrier now than when he was here this morning. I had to sneak down here to be with you by telling him I had to give the lawyer some money. Your grandfather wouldn't even give me a ride. Mr. Shay offered to come up and pick me up and I told him that I'd find my own way home."

"Mom, let's move…just you and me. We can go to a new town and I can go to a new school until things settle down. How about it, Mom? Can we do that?"

"Honey, I wish I could but I can barely afford to live at your grandfather's. Living there, I only pay for our food and part of the utilities, and I can barely swing that. Baby, we couldn't afford to live on our own."

Tears started welling up in my eyes because I knew she was right. Now I knew my life had really ended, at least anything that resembled normal.

"Billy. Tell me about the other boy and about, you know, you two."

"Mom," I said, trying to think what I was going to tell her, "I love David and he loves me." I pulled out the chain from around my neck. "He gave me this. These two charms represent us. They are our zodiac signs and we're both Aquarius. He gave me the angel and told me I was his special angel and he was my guardian angel."

My mom looked at the charms, fingering them gently. "What's this one for?"

I knew she meant the cannon and I tried to think of something to tell her. "He says I'm his big gun." Lame, I know, but I couldn't think of anything better and mom didn't question it further.

"Mom, what's going to happen?"

"I don't know, sweetheart, but we'll get through this as best we can." She put her arms around me and hugged me again. When she pulled back, she spoke again. "Honey, I've got to go back to Mr. Shay's office so I can go with him to court. I'll see you there later. Stay strong."

With that, mom got up and signaled the guard she was ready to leave and, once again, I was left all alone in my cell. A while later the guard came in and told me to get ready because they would soon be taking me off to court. I don't remember much of anything else that happened except that somehow I made it to the courtroom and I was waiting for my turn in front of the judge.

The judge looked really old and I thought to myself that he didn't look like the type who liked kids. I hoped I was wrong. Soon we were called to the front of the room and he and the two lawyers started talking about all kinds of things that I didn't understand. One thing that I did understand was when the judge said he was releasing me into my mother's custody and Mr. Shay told him that would be a problem. He explained about my grandfather and that I couldn't stay at my grandparent's house because of this problem. He also explained that my mother had nowhere else to go with me. The judge looked at me, like he felt really bad for me, and then he said that I would have to stay in jail until he made his final determination on the case. He said he would set a short date, to speed things up, and he ordered everyone to get him all their reports, posthaste. I guess that my first impression was wrong and that, maybe, this judge did like kids.

I was taken back to jail and was left alone again. Over the next few weeks I was visited by social workers, probation officers, psychologists, and a whole bunch of other people whom I couldn't remember what their jobs were. It was now early June and we were finally going back to court.

The judge was hearing another case when I was brought into the courtroom. I saw my mom and she waved at me. Mr. Shay came over and stood beside me until we were called to appear before the judge. When my case was called, we walked to a table at the front of the room and on the left side of the judge's bench. I sat down next to my lawyer and the judge began to speak.

"This case has worn heavily on me and I have spent a great deal of time deliberating about what should be done. I have read all of the reports and I have spoken to many people about this situation. Although I don't believe this young man is beyond all hope, maybe just the opposite, but because of the fact that he has no stable environment for me to send him to, I have reached this decision."

My heart sank with each word he spoke. The judge truly seemed to like me but I had a bad feeling about what was to come. What did he mean, I didn't have a stable environment?

"I order that William Maynard be sent to a juvenile detention center for the period of one year. If, at the end of that time, his family can provide a stable home for him, he will be placed in their custody. If not, he will be turned over to the custody of the Division of Social Services and placed into foster care until such time that his family is willing and able to care for him or he reaches his eighteenth birthday, whichever comes first."

I was shocked. Mr. Shay placed his hand on my shoulder and I could hear my mother sobbing from the seats behind us. I turned to look at her and saw that see was wiping the tears from her face with her handkerchief. I started to move in her direction but someone grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the courtroom. My God. What just happened?

The guard led me down some stairs and out of the courthouse. As I was being led away, I happened to look up and I saw David in the distance, standing beside a small tree. I could tell that he was crying and he looked so pathetic as he watched me being led away. I could read the hurt in his big, brown, puppy dog eyes and I knew that he was beating himself up inside about everything that had happened. I just wanted to run over to him, hug him and kiss him, and tell him that everything would be all right. I wanted to tell him to wait for me until I returned. I wanted to scream to him that I still loved him and that I always would. I wanted to strip away the pain that I could see on his face and make him feel better. Oh, God, I loved that boy so badly that it hurt.

I was taken back to the jail and I stayed there a couple of more weeks while they waited for a place to open up for me in a juvenile facility. Finally, the day came when I was going to be transferred to my new home. I was led down to a patrol car and placed in the back seat. There was no fanfare and no big crowd. It was just the two policemen and myself in the car, heading to juvenile hall.

On the way out of town we passed by my old school and I looked out the window to see if I could catch a glimpse of David. There were a few kids wandering around the grounds but none of them was my lover. I was hoping that the last thing I would see as I left town would be David's face but, obviously, that wasn't to be.

It was quite a long trip. We stopped once and one of the cops took me to the toilet and then he bought me a can of Coke. I thanked him and then we got back into the car. Everyone stared at me while I was with the officers and when I was in the car. I knew they were trying to figure out what horrible things I must have done to be wearing handcuffs and riding in a police car. As we pulled away from the little store, I saw several kids pointing in my direction, excitedly talking among themselves.

The detention center turned out to be a couple of hours from my home. I wasn't sure how my mom would visit if my grandfather wouldn't bring her. After all, she didn't drive and she probably wouldn't have enough money to take the bus. I now began to realize that I would most likely be spending the whole year totally alone because, other than my mother, I couldn't imagine who would come to see me.

We finally reached our destination and the facility loomed in front of me. The juvenile facility was just a large brick building that could probably have been mistaken for a newly built school. That was, it could have been if it was not surrounded by two sets of chain link fence, spaced about ten feet apart, both topped with barbed wire. Oh, God. This looked really awful and I was sure that it was only going to get worse once we entered the grounds.

We pulled up to the front of the building and the officers led me in. I was turned over to the guards there and the police officers left. The guards took me into a small room and started asking me a bunch of questions and writing my answers down of some form. When this was finished, I was led to another room and told to strip. I looked confused so the guard told me it was standard procedure, they had to search me for contraband. I did as I was told and the guard searched my body before he told me to put my underwear back on. He walked over to a table, grabbed a fluorescent orange jumpsuit and tossed it to me. He informed me that I would wear this, or one like it, for as long as I was there. I was allowed to put my sneakers back on and then he took me down a long unadorned corridor, opened the door at the end with his key, and led me inside.

This appeared to be some sort of game room and it was filled with about twenty other boys dressed similarly to me. There was another guard, who came over to greet us, and then the first guard turned and left, leaving me with the others.

"So you're the new little cock sucker who has been assigned here."

Chapter 11
The Inferno

I spun to see who said those malicious words, only to see the new guard looking at me, smiling.

"Well, what have you got to say for yourself? I hear you like to mess around with other boys." He paused and looked me over before he continued. "If that's the case, you've sure come to the right place. You'll like it here, then, with all of these other boys and they'll sure like having a new butt buddy around to entertain them."

I was stunned that he would announce this in front of all of the other boys. My God. Was he setting me up to get the crap beat out of me or what? I couldn't and didn't respond. I just worked my way over to a bookcase on the far wall, pulled a book from the shelf, and pretended to read it. I tried, desperately, not to look at any of the others.

After what seemed like forever, we were told to line up and we were led out of the game room and into a large dorm room, a row of cots going up along each wall. The guard guided me in and then pointed to the cot that would be mine. He told me that the locker on the wall behind it would also be mine to use. It was the place where I could keep all of my personal things. He told me that my personal things would consist of my extra underwear and socks, soap and shampoo, toothbrush and toothpaste, writing materials, books and magazines, cards and games, and a few other things that we were allowed to have. He said I would get a list later that would tell me everything that I would be allowed to keep.

I understood, now, that this guard was assigned to this group of boys who all were housed together in this large dorm room. I moved over to my cot and lay down on top of it, hoping that the others would forget about all of the things that this guard had said to me when I first joined them. I didn't even dare to look at any of them, for fear they would think I was making a pass at them and cause them to start pounding on me. Let's face it. Most of the boys appeared to be older and bigger than me and they could probably hurt me really bad.

The guard went over and sat at a desk near the door and the rest of the boys started to break into groups to talk. Suddenly, this bigger guy came over to my cot and gave me a big, toothy grin.

"Don't worry, bitch," the boy began, "we're going to take good care of you here and you're going to have all the cock you want."

I was afraid but I decided that I should probably act tough. "Look, just leave me alone. I don't plan on bothering anyone here and I don't want to be bothered by any of you, so fuck off."

"You don't have to worry about that, sweetie. You'll be fucked off any time you want." He just started laughing and then he walked away. Eventually he joined another group of boys on the other side of the room and they kept glancing over at me and laughing.

My mind kept racing over everything that had happened to me so far, as I lay on my cot and looked, not focusing, at the ceiling. My first hope was that the guards would protect me but, after what this one guard had said, I wasn't optimistic.

I stayed that way until I heard the guard tell us to line up for lunch. I got in the line behind a couple of other boys and waited for the door to open. As I stood there, I felt someone behind me take his finger and try to shove it up my ass, through the uniform. I turned around to see the boy who had approached me earlier, with another big grin on his face. Fortunately, the door opened and we headed off for our meal. We were led to a cafeteria that was similar to a school cafeteria except for the fact that there was a guard at each end of the line. We were handed a tray, which we pushed down the line, stopping every so often to get our food. We would get a hunk of this here and a spoonful of that there. Just at that moment a spoonful of some unrecognizable food was slapped on my tray by another young inmate who was working on the other side of the counter. At the end of line, I grabbed a carton of milk, a straw, a napkin and a spoon, and headed toward a table.

That boy who bothered me earlier and a few of his friends sat at my table and kept making kissing noises and were sliding one of their fingers in and out of their other fist. I had a good idea what that meant. This just kept getting worse and worse.

The rest of the day went about the same once we got back to the dorm. Dinnertime proved to be almost identical to lunchtime and then we went back to our dorm for the evening. It looked like we only got to go to that game room once a day.

When we came back from dinner, there was a new guard with us. There must have been a change of shifts, and I hoped that this guy would be better than the last. At 8:30 he announced that it was time to get ready for bed. It would be lights out in a half an hour. We all washed up and brushed our teeth in the communal bathroom, went back to our cots, stripped to our underwear, and slipped under the blanket and sheet. Day number one was almost over, only 364 more to go.

Lights went out promptly at nine o'clock and the guard sat at his desk, with only a little lamp to give him light. Some time later I heard him unlock the door and leave the room. He must have figured we were all asleep now. I started to hear some shuffling noises in the dorm but I didn't dare open my eyes to see what was going on. I decided it was best if I pretended to be asleep.

Without warning, my covers were thrown back off of my body and I felt several pairs of hands grasp ahold of me. I was forced to get up on all fours on my cot and then a boy came in front of me, yanked on my hair, pulled my head up and shoved his semi-hard cock in my face.

"You better suck this, boy, and suck it good if you don't want to get hurt."

I knew he meant it but I didn't comply. He slapped my face and yanked my hair again.

"Open up, cock sucker, and do me or you won't ever be able to do anyone ever again."

Hesitantly, I opened my mouth and he started to force his penis down my throat. I just stayed there, not participating, as he fucked my face with his now hard tool. I was letting my mind drift, trying not to concentrate on what was happening, when I felt someone pull my briefs down. Then I could tell that someone was getting on the cot behind me. Suddenly, someone drove his stiff meat up my ass. He did it without any warning, no stretching and no lubrication. I felt the pain from my rectum being dry fucked, and this burning sensation caused tears to stream down my face. I knew without looking that it was the boy who had taunted me earlier who had just entered me.

After these two had dumped their loads into me, two more took their place. At least I was lubed for the second guy, even if it was only with the first guy's cum that was leaking out my hole and running down the insides of my legs. All twenty guys must have done me, in the ass or in my mouth, before I was allowed to lie back down on my cot and go to sleep. I lay there stretched out on my stomach in pain, with a hollow and empty feeling consuming me as I thought about what had been done to me. I was silently weeping about the horrid, disgusting acts that had been performed upon me, trying hard to keep the others from seeing my pain and thinking me weak.

Yes, you heard me correctly! Those were horrid and disgusting acts that I had been forced to endure. There was no love, no affection, and no tenderness like I had always felt with David. This was just raw, animalistic sex. Lust satisfied by an unwillingly participant. Now, I understood how others could think that these acts were so vulgar and unnatural. That was because, without love, they really were. I guess that could also be said about sex between a man and a woman too. Any of those acts, by themselves, could appear to be just as disgusting if you just concentrated on the purely physical sense of what was being done. It was the love and affection that was shared between the two partners that made these acts wonderful and special.

The next morning we were awakened at six. I was so sore that I could hardly stand, let alone walk. I saw that everyone else was stripping down, wrapping their towels around their waists, and holding onto the rest of their necessary items. Once they had their toiletries in hand, they stood in front of their cots and, I surmised, waited to line up for the showers. I knew that I had to do the same so I removed my clothes and mimicked their behavior. I heard some snickering as I lowered my briefs and I assumed that my red, raw ass must have appeared quite amusing to those who had raped me the previous evening.

We were soon told to line up and we all followed the guard to the shower area. We went in and began to lather up. It was one large shower room, like in school, and I went to a corner shower and tried to clean up, facing into the wall.

"Hey, bitch. Do you want to see the man meat that gave you so much pleasure last night?"

I didn't move or respond.

"Oh, look, guys. Our little whore is really quite shy. Maybe he's just pissed that we didn't get him off while we were doing him. Is that it, bitch?"

I still didn't move or respond.

"Come on. Look around and see all these sweet dicks that are all yours for the asking. We know you liked them and that you want more. You know you want them, too, so you might as well check them out. Come on, sweet cheeks, you don't have to be such a cold bitch.

I just stood there, trying to ignore them. I wondered how long this was going to go on. I was totally alone here and there was no one around to protect me if they decided to do anything else. Even when I had finished showering, I stood there pretending to continue to clean up until everyone else left the room. My new 'friend' gave me one more parting shot before he left.

"Better get used to it, bitch. You're going to get it tonight and every night thereafter, as long as you're here in our dorm."

Great. Now I had to look forward to getting raped and gang-banged every night for a year. I guess that it couldn't get better than this, now could it? How in the hell was I going to survive a year here in this hellhole? I don't think that even Dante's description of hell was as bad as this was.

We went back to our dorm and I soon fell into the steady pattern that was to be my life for the next year. No thought or enjoyment required. The only part of the day I started to enjoy was when we took classes. Yes, they had a school here and the teacher seemed to take an interest in me. I was bright and a good student. Learning new things, studying, and reading took my mind away from the misery that was now my life.

That guy had been right. Some time during each and every night I would be visited by a group of my dorm mates and forced into having sex with them. I didn't fight it any more and did it willingly, although I didn't enjoy one second of it. The number of participants changed each night and those who used me seemed to change each night as well. That was except for that one older guy who seemed to get an extra kick out of humiliating me. He was released from the center the following October but things stayed pretty much the same even with him gone.

By August, the others started to take me for granted and they left me alone during the day. It was about that time when a new boy was brought into the dorm. From the day he arrived, he seemed to gravitate toward me and he picked me out to be his friend. He was about my age, though a little smaller, and I could tell that he was just as scared as I had been when I first arrived. He had red hair and blue eyes, which I thought was a strange looking combination, but he seemed like a nice kid and I decided to give him a break.

"Hi, I'm Billy. What's your name?"

"Justin."

"How long are you here for?"

"Six months."

"Well, you'll be out before me then." At that, he smiled. We didn't ask each other what we were in here for. I guess that we both knew it would be easier if we just didn't know what the other had been sentenced for. I mean, what the hell. We were both there and both of us needed someone to help make our stay more bearable, so why shouldn't we try to do what we could?

After about a week, Justin decided to ask me a question. "Why do the other boys do those things to you at night?"

I looked him in the eye, unsure about how much I should tell him, but I decided to be honest, even if it cost me my one and only friend in this joint.

"Justin, I'm gay. One of the reasons I'm in here is because my lover's father caught us having sex. The first day I was here one of the guards announced this fact in front of all of the other boys and I have had those nightly visits ever since. I don't enjoy it, but I'll understand it if you don't want to hang around me any more."

I started to walk away when Justin clutched my arm. "I don't mind, really. I think you're nice. I don't mind being your friend."

I smiled at him and sat back down on his cot beside him. "Thanks. I'll try to make sure that you don't regret that decision."

He smiled at me and we started to talk about other things. Justin was a real good friend to me until he left, shortly after my birthday in February. If it hadn't been for him, I don't think I could have gotten through several specific days, like September 2nd (David's and my anniversary), Columbus Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and David's and my birthdays. He seemed to understand how much I loved David although he said he didn't think he was gay. Justin was able to comfort me when I became depressed, especially on those dark days from my past that triggered so many memories. He even met my mom when Mr. Shay drove her out here to visit me for Christmas. Except for one other visit from Mr. Shay, that was the only visit I ever got.

Justin never participated in the nightly visits to my cot. I once told him that he could if he needed to get his rocks off but he told me that he could never do that to me unless he could do it in a loving way. I appreciated that and I told him so. I just can't explain what that meant to me. We never did do anything together while we were both there but his understanding and compassion about what I had to endure did more for me than any love making session with him could have provided. Even though I knew he wasn't gay, I still found myself loving and wanting him. Not as much as David but my feeling for him proved to be an excellent substitute while my lover and I were parted.

Justin was also pretty good in school so we sat next to each other in class and became study partners. We helped each other when we had problems and we did a couple of research projects together. Don't get me wrong. This place was still hell except that Justin gave me a ray of sunlight to cling to somewhere in that dark, bottomless void.

As Justin's release date neared, I started to fall back into my depression. He told me that he lived about three hours away, but in the other direction from the center. I knew that we'd probably never see each other again once he was released. Beginning on the morning that he left, I wept the whole day while lying on my cot. I didn't cry for Justin, either. Those tears were shed for me alone and for the loneliness that was once again mine to bear in solitude. It felt as if I had lost David all over again, only that I just loved Justin as a special friend and I didn't love him the same way or as deeply as I did David. For the rest of my stay, I had no one to talk to, no one to be close to, and no one for whom I cared about. I pulled into a shell and I vowed that I wouldn't get that close to anyone else or allow anyone to get that close to me again, for as long as I was there. It just hurt too much when they were gone and I didn't want to hurt anyone else like that when I left. So, now, I was totally alone and on my own.

I mentioned earlier that I had had another visit from Mr. Shay and that one came in late May, just before I was to get out. He showed up one day and we met in a conference room.

"Billy, you know you're going to be getting out of here soon and I wanted to come and let you know what was going to happen next. I met with the judge just the other day to discuss your release. We both met with your mother at that time. She told us that your grandfather hadn't changed his mind and there was no way she could afford to move out and take you in. I'm sorry but you're going to be placed into foster care."

I sat there emotionless. I guess I sort of expected this. What difference would it make? It had to be better than this.

"Your mother didn't want to come with me because she said she couldn't face you after letting you down like this. Billy, she's hurting about this too. She is filled with all kinds of guilt about this whole thing and she blames herself for most of it. She loves you, Billy, so don't think that she doesn't, but this has been hard on her too.

He didn't have to say this. I didn't hate my mother. I knew that, down deep, she loved me and I loved her. I guess I know what it's like to feel responsible for someone else's problems and to blame yourself for them. I told Mr. Shay to tell her that I understood and that I still loved her.

"The foster home is going to be in a different town from where you lived. The judge thought this might be easier for you to adjust back into a normal life, you know, not having to deal with seeing people from your old school. I offered to pick you up when you were released and take you to your foster home and introduce you to your foster family. Your mother is going to send your things with me at that time so you'll have them in your new home.

I started to thank Mr. Shay for everything he had done for me but he told me that he wasn't quite done yet.

"A few weeks ago I got a letter in the mail. Inside there was a second letter in another envelope and I was asked if I would give this letter to you. It's from your friend David."

I ripped the letter from his hand as he handed it across the table. I tore it open, unfolded the paper, and began to read.

Dear Billy,

Please don't hate me for not helping you and for not coming to see you. I still love you and I'm sorry about everything that has happened. My dad made me say that you stole my bike so he could keep us apart. I didn't want to do it but he said that if I didn't he'd find a way to make sure you got sent away for something even worse.

I'm sorry that I didn't get in touch with you earlier but my dad hired this old guy to watch over me all of the time. He even lives in the house and he has the bedroom closest to mine. The only way I could get this letter to you was by talking one of my teachers into mailing it for me. I miss you so much and I've been so lonely. It's like I'm in prison in my own house.

Billy, I love you, I love everything about you, and I loved every minute we were together. I'm hoping we can find a way to get together again once you get out. You'll have to try to find a way to let me know where you're going to be after you get out so we can make plans to get together. I heard about your grandfather and I'm sorry about that too. I love you, Billy, now and forever, and I hold my charms close to my heart every day to remind me of you.

Billy, please get in touch with me as soon as you can. I need you and I want to feel your soft body, your sweet kisses, and your gentle touch again. I love you, Billy, and I hope, with all my heart, that you still love me the same way you did before all of this happened.

With all my love to my special angel, David

Chapter 12
A Home Without Love

I was beginning to think that this might not be so bad after all. We drove a little further when Mr. Shay pulled into a driveway beside a big, old house. Mr. Shay took my things out of the back of his car and he led me to the front door. I was a little nervous about my new situation but I knew that this had to be better than being in juvenile hall.

An older looking woman answered the door. She was very plain looking, a little heavy, and wearing an old summer dress. Her hair was in a bit of mess and she looked like she had just awakened. She smiled at us and shook hands with Mr. Shay. She invited us in and led us to the living room. She offered us both some iced tea and we both accepted. She left the room to get it and I began to look around.

It was a large living room but it was sparsely furnished. There were a sofa and two chairs but they were all old and in rough shape. There was a coffee table, two end tables with lamps on them, an old wooden rocking chair, and an older television on a small entertainment center. The drapes on the windows were a faded floral pattern and the white sheer curtains in between were yellowing with age.

The lady, Mrs. Kucera, came back into the room carrying two glasses and she handed one to each of us. She sat on the sofa, near Mr. Shay, while I sat on one of the chairs. She told me that her son, Steve, and her foster son, Patrick, were at school and her husband was at work. She said the boys would be home in a couple of hours and she also informed me that there was only one more week of school before exams.

Mr. Shay finished his drink and sat the empty glass on the coffee table. He thanked Mrs. Kucera and said that he had to leave. I followed him to his car to thank him again and he told me that he would keep in touch. I waved to him as he backed out of the driveway and as he drove down the street. Mrs. Kucera called to me from the doorway, where she had waited and watched Mr. Shay's departure, and she told me that she would show me to my room.

As we headed up the wooden stairway to the second floor, she told me I could call her Sally. Sally led me to the room, opened the door, and took me in. There was a double bed on one side and a single bed on the other, with a nightstand and a lamp placed strategically in between. She told me that two of us would sleep on the double bed and the other one would sleep in the single bed. She told me that the bottom drawer of the dresser was for my use and, if I had anything that needed to be hung, I could put them in the closet. So far, so good.

I went back downstairs with her and she made me a sandwich and a bowl of soup for lunch. After I was finished with my meal, I went into the living room to watch television and I waited for the other two boys to arrive home.

A couple of hours later, a boy came running through the door, slamming it shut behind him.

"Patrick, where's Steven?" Sally asked the newcomer.

"He's coming. I just wanted to run home to meet the new kid."

"Well, come here and I'll introduce you."

Sally brought Patrick in to greet me and we exchanged hellos. Patrick was a little taller than me and more broadly built. He had this real tough look about him but he wasn't bad looking in a rough sort of way. He had dirty blond hair and blue eyes and he told me that he'd be fourteen in November. He didn't seem too bad and we sat down to watch television together.

Shortly, another boy came through the door and I figured that this must be Steve. Steve was very pudgy and he kind of reminded me of a pig. He just had that look about him. He looked around, spotted Patrick and me in the living room, and he came in to join us. He didn't bother to say hello or introduce himself but he just looked at what was on the tube. When he saw what we were watching, he got mad and walked over and changed the station.

"Hey! What are you doing?" I asked him. "We were watching that show."

"We never watch that program," he explained, "we always watch this one. Patrick knows that. Just ask him."

Patrick whispered to me that it was true and he said that Steve had to be the boss of everything. He told me to come with him, up to the room. I followed him out of the living room and we went upstairs, leaving Steve alone to watch his program.

When we were in the bedroom, Patrick sat on the smaller bed. He patted the space next to him on the mattress, letting me know that I should join him.

"You'll get used to him. He thinks he's the king," Patrick said, referring to Steven. "I used to try to stand up to him but his parents backed him up. They say that, after all, this is his home. I guess we don't count. I think they only took us in to collect the monthly check. It's better than some other places I've been in, though. If you don't cause any problems around here, they don't care what you do. I've learned to just roll with the punches and then go and do as I please. I'm glad that I've got some company now. You know, somebody I can hang with."

I thanked him for the insights about the place and about Steve and I told him that I hoped to get to know him better. We talked about the room and he said that he guessed that I would have to sleep with Steve. It was just the type of occurrence that I just didn't particularly relish or care to think about. We talked some more and Patrick asked me if I wanted him to show me around the neighborhood. I told him that would be nice, so we went downstairs and out the front door. Steve was still in the living room, glued to his childish program, as we left.

We walked up and down a lot of streets and Patrick pointed out different things of interest as we went along. I knew that I wouldn't remember all of them but it was a start. We ended up on a playground that was fairly deserted and we played around on the various apparatus as we started to get to know each other better. After a couple of hours, he told me we should head back to the house. Joe, Mr. Kucera, would be home soon and dinner would be served. If we weren't there for the meal, they would eat it all and we wouldn't get anything else to eat later.

By the time we reached the house, Joe was already there. We walked in and the family was just heading to the dining room to eat. Pat led me over to Joe and he introduced me to him. Then he took me to the side of the table and showed me where to sit. Sally came in and dished the food out onto our plates. I noticed that Pat's and my portions were smaller than the one that Steve got. Of course, he was fatter and probably needed more to fill him up, but that just reinforced my picture of him as a pig.

After dinner, Pat and I went back out on our own. I started asking him a whole bunch of questions about himself. He told me that he has always lived in that town. His dad had left his mother and him and, when his mother was arrested for prostitution, he got put into foster care. He said that this was the third family that he had lived with. He defended his mother being a prostitute by explaining that being a whore was the only way she could make enough money for them to survive on. He said that she didn't like to have to do it, but that she did what she had to do for them to make it on their own. In a way I'm glad that my mother didn't try something like that so we could stay together. I think I would have lost my respect for her if she had. I'm not finding fault or knocking what Patrick's mother had done, it's just that I wouldn't have felt comfortable knowing that my mother was doing that sort of thing just so we could live on our own. It's better that she stayed with my grandparents and let me go, if those were her choices.

I asked him about the school and about the people in the town. He answered all of my questions with the utmost frankness. When I asked him if there were any bikes we could use to go out riding, he told me that there was just one very old lady's bike that the family kept on the back porch. He said that we were allowed to use it because none of them ever did.

We talked and talked until it was nearly dark and he said that we had better head home and get to bed. He reminded me that he had school tomorrow even if I didn't. With only a little over a week left to school, it was decided that it would be kind of silly to have me start now.

We got back to the house and went straight to our room. We didn't see Sally or Joe anywhere. When we got to the room, Steve was already there, in his pajamas, ready to get into bed. Pat and I both went to the bathroom to wash up and brush our teeth and then stripped down to our briefs for bed. Hesitantly, I went over to get into the bed with Steven.

"What in the hell do you think you're doing?" Steven said to me.

"Your mother said that two of us would be sleeping in the double bed."

"No way! I'm not sharing my bed with anyone. You go sleep with Patrick."

I looked at Patrick and he shrugged his shoulders. "You can if you want to," he said, looking at me, "but it's a pretty small bed."

I started to just lie down on the floor, figuring it would be best to just make myself comfortable there. I took the duffel bag that my clothes were sent in and folded it up to use as a pillow. Pat rolled over to the edge of the bed and looked down at me.

"Come on, get up here. We'll squeeze in. I'm not going to make you sleep on the floor. I had to do that at my first foster home."

I looked up so I could see his face and knew that he meant what he said. I thanked him and crawled in beside him. We both laid on our sides, our backs to each other, and went to sleep. I tried my best not to move so I wouldn't disturb Pat after his generous offer. By the time I woke up the next day, Pat had already left for school.

I went downstairs and there was no one around. I went to the kitchen, found a box of cereal and poured myself a bowl. I finished it, washed the bowl and spoon, and went into the living room to watch television. It was obvious that they didn't have cable and I could only get three channels. There was nothing interesting on those channels so I turned off the TV and went outside. I was thinking about what I could do when I decided to go get the bike and go for a ride. I remembered a lot about my walk with Pat, plus I had asked him a whole bunch of other questions about how to get around the area. That was it. I was going for a ride. I went and dug the old bike off the back porch.

I pedaled and pedaled and finally found myself at the school. I decided to go down the street and hide along the hedgerow so I could surprise my friend as he walked home. I waited and waited and then I saw him coming toward me. I hid low and, as he started to pass, I snatched his arm and pulled him down with me.

"What the hell? Who's that?" he said as he struggled to keep his balance. He turned and looked me in the eye trying to determine who was attacking him. It took a second for him to recognize me.

" Billy, it's you! How did you get here? God, how I've missed you."

"It's all right, David, I'm back, at least for an hour or so."

Yes, I did the unthinkable. I had ridden the bike to my old town to see my lover. I had worn a sort of a disguise that I took off before I grabbed him. It was only an old baseball cap pulled low on my head but it made it hard for people to see who I was. We walked back farther along the hedge and away from the road so we wouldn't be noticed. No sooner had we faded into the shrubbery than David started to kiss and hug me. I couldn't resist and I kissed and hugged him back. When we finally stopped, I explained to him where I was and why I was there. I slipped him a piece of paper with the address and the phone number of my foster home on it, I had written the information down before I left on this trip, and I told him that I didn't know how often I might be able to sneak away to see him. I told him that he couldn't call me often because I didn't know the family that well yet and I wasn't sure how they'd react if they found out about us and why I had to come live with them.

We talked and talked for a long time, trying to fill in the gaps since the last time we had been together. He suddenly remembered that he should be getting home because his father was just beginning to give him a little freedom again and he didn't want to lose it. He said that if he weren't home by dinnertime, then the old guy whom his dad had hired would come looking for him and report the episode to his father. I didn't want him to get into any more trouble than I already caused him, so I sent him on his way. We hugged and kissed again before he left and we told each other repeatedly that we loved each other and that we would find a way to get back together. I told him I forgave him for doing what he did but that there was nothing to really forgive him for. I explained that I understood why he had done what he did and that, if I had been in his shoes at that time, I would probably have done the same thing. He thanked me for my understanding and told me that it only made him love me more, even though that probably wasn't humanly possible.

As he started down the street, we repeatedly waved at each other, then I pulled the baseball cap down over my eyes, got on the bike, and pedaled back to the foster home. The ride back seemed a lot easier than the ride there; it was probably because I was floating after having seen, touched, and kissed the other half of my soul again. For a brief moment, I had felt whole again for the first time in many, many months. By the time I reached the foster home, everyone else was in bed, as far as I could tell, so I washed up, brushed my teeth, and squeezed into bed next to Pat.

Just as I was about to close my eyes, Patrick rolled over and whispered in my ear.

"Where have you been?'

"I went to see an old friend. Did anybody miss me?"

"No. Nobody said a word. Next time you go, let me know and I'll go with you."

"Yeah, maybe after school is out. For now you're still tied up."

"Yeah, okay, but don't forget."

Pat rolled back over and went to sleep. All I could think was, that if Pat went with me, then David and I couldn't have been intimate with each other. Then I realized that Patrick had been good to me; in fact, he seemed to be the only one here that cared about me, so I decided that I would take him. It would have to be enough just seeing and being with David. Yeah, I could live with that. I'd tell David about my decision the first time he called.

After school ended, Patrick and I went to visit David several times over the summer. I filled Pat in on how David and I had been best friends but his father didn't want him to see me any more. I didn't tell him that I was gay or the reason why David's father didn't want us to see each other. David and Pat seemed to like each other but David and I both suffered a little, not being able to show each other any affection. We always managed to slip letters between ourselves on each visit and we used those to express our love.

As the end of the summer approached, I told David that we would have to devise a way that we could be together on our special days. He said he would make that his first priority and he promised me that he would find some way for us to be together. We made these plans while Pat was investigating the various places we met. We always picked different spots to meet and I always tried to disguise my appearance so no one would recognize me.

My visits with David felt cheap and dirty, having to hide and do everything in deceit, but I had to be with him whenever I could, no matter how dirty or how cheap it felt. My biggest concern was protecting David and keeping his father from finding out about our rendezvous.

I was getting in pretty good shape, pedaling all that way with Pat on the handlebars. I mean, we took turns pedaling and riding but, because it was an old single speed bike and with the weight of the other person, it added resistance like a good piece of exercise equipment. That made the trip a real good workout and, as a result, it firmed up a lot of our different muscle groups. Pat was benefiting from it, as well as me, while good old Steven just kept getting fatter and fatter all the time.

Chapter 13
We'll Have These Moments to Remember

Then one day it happened. The phone rang and Joe called me to the phone.

"Hello."

"Billy, it's me. I've figured it out. You're going to love this." I held my breath as David continued, "My dad has agreed to let me go on an overnight camping trip over the Labor Day weekend. The trip is to be sponsored by the recreation department and they are going to the Boy Scout camp on Owasco Lake. That's only twenty minutes from where you live now. I went on another trip like this before, with a group from where I used to live, and they don't supervise these overnighters very well. I've talked to some of the boy scouts who have gone there for the scouting summer camp and they tell me that there are a lot more cabins there than our rec. group will use. If you can come, we can sneak into one of the empty cabins and we can celebrate our anniversary there. Well? What do you think?"

"I think you're a damn genius. God, it sounds too good to be true. Look, I'm not sure where that lake is from here but I'm sure Patrick will know and I can get him to tell me how to get there. Oh, wow, we're finally going to spend some time alone."

"I love you, Billy, and I told you that I would find a way for us to be together. Remember what I've always told you, you've got to trust me, dude."

"I remember and I do. You don't have to tell me. I love you, too, and I'll see you then. I can't wait. I'll go ask Patrick about it immediately. By the way, which day do you leave?"

"We go on Saturday and come back Sunday but that will give us Saturday night to ourselves. I'll find a way to disappear. I'll leave a note in the boathouse that will give you all the little details, once I find out what is planned for the group. See you then, lover, and rest up. You're going to need all of your strength."

"Don't worry. I'm on complete bed rest until then. Love you. Bye."

I went looking for Patrick and found him sitting on the front steps.

"Hey, Patrick. Let's go for a walk."

"Yeah, nothing doing around here."

We walked down the street for privacy. "I wanted to get you get you away from the house so I can ask you some questions without the chance of anyone else overhearing. David just called and told me that he is going to camp out Labor Day weekend and I'm planning on going to meet him there. Do you know how to get to the Boy Scout camp on Owasco Lake?"

"Yeah, sure. It's easy. I'll go with you and take you there."

"Uh, we kind of wanted to be alone, if you don't mind."

"Why? What do you have planned?"

Now I was backed into a corner. I had to make another quick decision. Do I try to make up a story and hope that he believes me or do I tell him the truth? After all, Pat and I were fairly close and he's been really cool so far. I really hated to lie to him. I decided to take a chance.

"Well, David's my boyfriend and we want to be alone."

"I kind of figured that from our trips to see him. I knew you two had to be more than just best friends to keep making that trip."

"Then you don't hate us for being gay?"

"Hell, no. Whatever floats your boat, dude."

"Are you gay?"

"No, but I have tried some things with friends at different times. It's okay but, well, it's just not my thing. I don't care what other people do, though."

"Thanks. I'll sleep on the floor from now on so you don't have to worry."

"Why? Just because I know about you now doesn't mean that we have to change things. Hell, I've suspected that since about our second trip to see David and I didn't ask you to stop sleeping on the same bed with me then. Damn, guy, we're friends and that isn't going to change. I'll draw you a map and I want you guys to have a good time but you don't need to fill me in on the details when you get back."

"Thanks, I'll remember that. You truly are a good friend."

As we continued walking I decided to tell Pat that that was the reason why David's father didn't want us to see each other. I didn't tell him that he caught us doing the wild thing with each other, just that he found out that we were gay and loved each other. I felt relieved to finally tell him and more relieved that he didn't seem to have a problem with it.

The next few days were spent totally concentrating on my little trip. Pat gave me the map, I packed up my things, and Pat said he'd cover for me if anyone noticed that I was gone but he doubted that would happen. When Saturday arrived, I took the bike and started out to meet my lover. I got to the camp after David's group arrived. I walked the entire perimeter of the camp, making sure to stay out of sight, but familiarizing myself with its layout. I spotted the mess hall, the counselors' cabin, and made a mental note of which cabin had campers staying in them. I located the infirmary and the boathouse and I waited until everyone was at lunch before I went there.

I found nothing in the boathouse and assumed that David hadn't had a chance to leave his note. I walked back into the woods and waited, hiding from anyone else who might be there. As I sat in the woods waiting, I noticed that there was a lot of activity around the lake besides these campers. I now understood that I could move around a little more freely and still not be noticed. I waited until late afternoon before I worked my way to the boathouse again and, sure enough, there was something waiting there for me.

Besides the note, David left me some food from the mess hall. He had wrapped it up in one of his shirts. Damn, is he thoughtful or what? I read his letter and it looked like he had everything planned, right down to the cabin name where we were going to meet. He said he would go there just before everyone went to the big bonfire because he was sure they wouldn't miss him with all the things they had planned to go on while they were there. We would spend the night together and then he would rejoin his group at breakfast. I was more pysched than ever. I decided to go directly to the cabin and spend my remaining time there, waiting for him.

It was a beautiful, sunny, warm day, so I propped the window flaps open slightly, not enough to be noticed though, so I could get some air circulation going in the cabin. It was early evening when I heard a faint knock on the door and David entered the flimsy door. In his hand, he was carrying a small collection of wild flowers that he must have picked on his way over. He held them out and smiled. I took them from him, wrapped my arms around his arms and chest, and smothered him with the most passionate kiss I could muster.

The sky was clear and the pale, silver light, which reflected off of the waning half-moon, filtered into the cabin and gave us enough light to see each other by. When we broke the kiss, David held out another package that contained food from dinner, wrapped in another of his shirts.

"I don't need food, I need you," I said, looking into those dark brown pools that suck me so deep into his soul.

"You're going to need your strength, so eat while I make a few preparations."

While I ate, David pulled a little box out of his pocket and set it on the table. It was an unwrapped jewelry box. I told him he shouldn't have gone to such trouble because I didn't have anything for him. He told me that this was just to make up for all of the trips I had made to see him. I pulled up the lid and there was another charm, a little gold number two.

"It's so you remember our second anniversary."

"Hell, if I put too many more charms on this chain I won't be able to lift my head."

"You'll manage if you love me."

Obviously, that ended my protestations. When I finished eating, David took a small container out of the same pocket from which he had pulled the charm and he pulled out a small cylinder that he opened and sprayed into each corner of the cabin. I'm not sure if it was an air freshener, a perfume, or a breath spray, but it sure made the musty cabin smell better.

Now, he walked toward me and started kissing me and slowly removing my clothes. I decided to do the same to him and we were soon naked, lying on an unmade cot in this hideaway of love. We kissed each other from one end to the other and we made sure that we re-familiarized ourselves with the other one's anatomy. We were very energetic with each other and we happily continued our exploration.

"Do you want to pick up where we left off the day my father caught us?"

"Do you mean…?"

"Exactly," and with that he handed me a small bottle of baby oil, although I didn't see where that came from.

"Maybe that one is bad luck for us."

"Nonsense. Get over here. It's your turn to do the work."

We energetically oiled each other up and David placed himself on the bed. I lowered my body onto his and then I rode him for all I was worth. It was wonderful to feel my lover's magic wand inside of me again and I tried to concentrate so I could burn every wonderful second of this session into my brain. I didn't want to forget any part of this wonderful, loving time together. After raising and lowering my body up and down on his shaft for several minutes I let him know how much I was enjoying this.

"This is terrific, David," I said in between pants. "I've never enjoyed anything more. I love what we're doing and I love you. I wish this could last forever but I know it will soon end. I just want you to know that you can share your love with me like this any time you wish."

I could see David smile in between the contortions his face was doing as I continued to ride his organ. This time there would be no interruption and I would give my lover the greatest effort I had to offer. After many minutes of hectic gyrations, I felt David fire his first load up my boy hole and that caused me to spew my cream all over both of our bodies, the cot, and the wall. We collapsed beside each other, struggling to find the other one's lips, so we could kiss our way into oblivion.

"See. I told you that it wasn't bad luck. In fact, it was better than I remembered it on the day my father so rudely interrupted us. I guess that I'll have to teach him some manners and get him to knock before he enters my room."

We both laughed, breaking the little tension that had filled my body with the mention of his father, and we went back to kissing and holding each other again.

"As soon as you get your strength back," I said, looking at David, "you'll have to return the favor."

"You want me to do the same thing to you?"

"What goes around must come around," I advised him. "Besides, it's time you did a little bit of the work."

"Fair enough."

When David informed me that he was ready, he repeated the same loving act on me. I thought it was the most fantastic experience I had ever known but I guess that I would have thought anything David did to me or with me was fantastic. I shuddered as he lowered himself down my mast and I was sent to on a rocket ship into the depths of space as he lovingly glided his body up and down my pole until my cannon fired. Considering all of the time that I had to wait to be able to do this, I unloaded the most voluminous and most forceful geyser into his hole that I had ever had the pleasure of producing before. I was almost afraid that I might drown him with the quantity of liquid that I flooded his bowels with. It took a great deal of time for me to return from the mind-blowing high that I experienced from our coupling and it took many more minutes before I was anything but a babbling idiot.

Once I had regained my composure, we loved each other throughout the night, and when the meal bell was rung the next morning, David dressed, kissed me, and left to join his group. He told me we'd make other plans later. I hated to see him leave but I knew that we couldn't remain together any longer without running the risk of being discovered. That was definitely one thing that I didn't want to happen. There was no way that I wanted his father to find out that we had been seeing each other in secret just so he could pull us apart again.

I dressed, cleaned up the cabin, and closed it up the same way I had found it. I went to where I hid my bike and rode back to my foster home. I found Pat out in front of the house when I returned, and he smiled and followed me to the back to put the bike away.

"Well? Did it go as you planned?"

"And better," I told him, trying to remember each wonderful minute we had enjoyed.

"I'm glad," was all that he answered, and he helped me into the house and up to our room.

David and I weren't able to get together at Thanksgiving, Christmas, or for our fifteenth birthdays, but David was devising a way we could see each other over the spring break. Unfortunately, that event would mark the second anniversary of when our troubles began. We briefly discussed this fact but we determined that it would be best if we didn't dwell on that part of our lives. I promised David that I would meet him wherever he chose, and he promised to call me with the details.

It was mid-March when my lover boy finally called me. David's freshman class was going to Disney World over the spring break. David booked his own room, a single, and he had purchased an airline ticket and a week-long pass to Disney World for me to join him. He said he would send the plane ticket in the mail so I could fly down to meet him, stay with him in his room, and then we would do Disney World together.

I asked him if he wasn't afraid of getting caught and he told me no. He said that he had heard from a bunch of upper classmen that the faculty doesn't supervise these trips very closely and everyone forms their own groups and goes their own way. With that freedom, we would just form our own group and do our own thing without any of his other classmates. He thought if we wore hats and sunglasses, we could pull this off without anyone suspecting a thing.

Once more I told Patrick about our plans and he told me to tell Sally that I was going to go camping with a bunch of friends from school. He knew she'd buy that, not that she really cared, and it would cover me for the whole time. I thanked him again and told him that David and I owed him big time. Even though he said it wouldn't be necessary, I promised him that we'd find a way to pay him back.

The day finally came and my heart soared, along with the plane. It was my first flight. David met me at the airport and arranged for our ride to the hotel. We went up to our room and, while I got settled in, David explained our itinerary for the week. I really wasn't concerned about what we would do, as long as we did it together. David paid for everything on his father's credit card – if only he knew – and we had a wonderful week. We loved each other every evening and ran around and tried the rides every day. We had three very romantic dinners together during the week, while our other meals were all impromptu.

Our final night together was spent exchanging our love. We ate on our way back from the park and we decided to take a shower before we did anything else. We stripped down and climbed into the shower together and we spent the next hour enjoyed each other's body. I washed David's gorgeous frame first, lathering up every inch of skin and lovingly removing all of the dirt and sweat that the day's activities had produced. When I had finished cleaning his genitals and then letting the water rinse off the remaining residue of soap, I stroked his penis until it was rigid and then took him into my mouth. I worked his woody with my tongue and lips, gently pumping my mouth up and down on his shaft until his gonads exploded and flooded my mouth with his juices. I felt his knees buckle as he filled me with his cream and I helped to support his body until he had recovered. When he was once again able to stand under his own power, we switched positions and he did all of the same things to me that I had just done to him. When we had completely finished with each other in the shower, we toweled our lover's body dry before we went out and hopped onto the bed.

I grabbed the remote off of the nightstand and flicked the television on for background noise to cover the sounds that I imagined would soon follow. I pulled David toward me and started to cover his face and neck with kisses. Finally, I zeroed in on his luscious lips and we exchanged the most passionate and loving kiss that two people had ever shared. Our tongues dueled with each other as we each tried to explore and examine the lining of our lover's mouth and sample his unique flavor. We continued to kiss for nearly half an hour before I kissed and sucked my way down to David's groin. Once again I moved toward his obelisk of love and soon I had it in my mouth. As I began to suck on it and bob my head up and down to bring him to his climax, David told me to swing my body around so that he could do the same thing to me. I didn't hesitate and I quickly swung my groin over his head to give him access to my boyhood. Together we worked at bringing each other off, applying as much suction and stimulation as our oral cavities could deliver. I was also using my hands to fondle and tug at David's scrotum while he did the same thing to me. After several more minutes of this intense stimulation, I felt David's testicles pull up toward his body, his penis expand in my mouth, and I could feel him moan on my own sausage as he unleashed a torrent of his seed into my mouth. I barely had a chance to savor the sweet taste of his love sauce before I felt my own juices bubbling over and spilling into David's gullet. After he sucked my hose dry, we snuggled up together and fell asleep.

We must have slept about an hour before we awoke. I had been staring at David's sleeping form for about five minutes before his eyes began to flutter and he shook the last vestiges of sleep from his body. He smiled at me before he leaned up to give me a quick kiss and then he pulled my head onto his chest. We cuddled like that for a brief time before I told him what I wanted next.

"David, all of the time that I was in the juvenile home and being raped by my dorm mates, I just prayed that I would have another chance to make love to you. I've had that happen several times since we've been back together but I need you in me again, now. Please, make love to me and remind me what it feels like to have my lover's shaft sliding in and out of my hot, hungry hole."

David kissed me again, got up to get his bottle of baby oil and then he returned to the foot of the bed. I had been busy placing a pillow, folded in half, under my butt and I pulled my knees up to my chest as he got into position. He lubed us both up quickly and he was soon ready to push his erect love muscle into me. I felt every inch of his joystick as it slid into my tunnel and I enjoyed every thrust that he made into me, especially when his cock would brush against my prostate and send electrical shocks throughout my body. He continued to give me this pleasure until he stiffened up and deposited his jism into by interior and then we kissed some more until we swapped positions.

I took it a lot slower with David because he wasn't as accustomed to taking a dick up his ass as I was. I mean, for a year I was getting at least three or four dicks shoved up my butt nightly. Tenderly I eased my way into his tight, smooth channel and I built up a nice, gentle, steady rhythm to make sure that he received as much enjoyment as I could give him. I made sure that I had the right angle to hit his prostate as often as I could and David moaned audibly each and every time I hit my target. Before long I felt that familiar tingle in my groin and it wasn't long before old faithful erupted and coated David's bowels with my thick, creamy treasure. I bent forward and kissed my soul mate amorously as I let my prick deflate and fall out of his cavity. Then I lowered my body next to his and we stayed wrapped in each other's arms for the rest of the evening.

The next morning we got up, showered, dressed, and ate. Our week together had ended and it was now time for us to depart. Neither of us wanted this magical week to end but we knew that we were out of options. David escorted me to the airport to catch my flight before he returned to the hotel so he could leave with his class. My eyes filled with tears as I watched him ride off in the taxi to rejoin the others, not knowing with any certainty when we could share some more quality time together.

The whole week had gone off without a hitch and the memories of our time together would have to sustain us through the long dry spells ahead. When I returned to my foster home, Patrick and I discussed the entire trip, sans the evenings, and I thanked him several times from both of us for all that he had done to help make our trip possible. David and I had already started planning our surprise gift for Patrick to show him how grateful we were for his help and support through all of this. We didn't have all of the details ironed out, but we were sure that he would love it and that he would know the depth of our gratitude. Now all we had to do was to make all the pieces come together.

Let the preparations begin!

Chapter 14
From Independence Day to Memorial Day

We didn't give Pat the details, we only told him the date and that we had something special planned. We told our foster parents that we were going to camp out, just the two of us, for the weekend. Now, we had covered all of our bases and our little plan could go forward.

On Friday evening, David took the bus to our town, we met him at the bus station, and we all took the bus into New York City. We went out to dinner, went back to the hotel, and we turned in for the first evening. Of course, David and I shared a room and Pat had one of his own.

Saturday morning we went out for breakfast and that is when we told Patrick about the concert we would be attending that evening. While waiting for the concert to start, we took in all of the normal tourist attractions and gave Patrick a lot to remember. David had been to the city several times before with his father, so he was actually a pretty good guide. We grabbed lunch from a sidewalk vendor but went out for a nice dinner before the piece de resistance.

The concert was quite good but Pat enjoyed it much more than we did because it was his group. He knew the words to nearly every song and he was overwhelmed that he was almost close enough to the stage to touch his idols. I've never seen Pat so happy or so animated and I was glad that I was a part of making this happen for him.

We spent Saturday night at the hotel. David and I were so wound up that we had some real heavy-duty action planned for when we got back. We started out with a shower in which we cleaned every nook and cranny of each other's teenage frame. Then, we enjoyed a little anal action while under the showerhead and leaning against the wall while our lover passionately took us from the rear. We each released a major load when it was our turn and we adjourned to the bed after we had both shared our love in that fashion.

Once we were settled on the bed, we swung around to enjoy a slow, loving sixty-nine. How I reveled in the feel of his mighty erection filling my throat and it was just as awesome to feel my mighty oak buried deep into his oral cavity. We used every bit of knowledge we possessed on oral sex to bring each other the maximum pleasure and we acknowledged our partner's efforts by filling him with the most generous load that we could offer. We finished swallowing our sweet, creamy treat before we mutually agreed to take a short break in the action. When we felt that we had recuperated sufficiently from our previous efforts, I pushed David back onto the bed, greased up his pole and recreated the love making session during which his father had discovered us and proved to be the catalyst for all of our sorrows. I did everything that I could to prove my love to him and let him know that I didn't regret what we had done that day. I only regretted that we had both forgotten to lock the door before we had begun our love- making. Slowly, David got more and more into the physical aspects of our current union and soon his hips were bucking off the bed and he was ramming his rod as far into me as was possible. I felt as his penis seemed to grow within the confines of my warm lining and I tightened my anal muscles to stimulate his release. I could feel every volley of his hot sauce as it spewed into my abdomen and soon we were both crumpled and panting on the bed.

Many minutes later we switched positions and I took David on his magic carpet ride, although he was forced to sit on the gearshift lever. He didn't seem to mind that fact, though, and between our joint efforts we were soon soaring high above the clouds. We reached new heights during that session, at least I did, and I saw blinding flashes of sunlight wash over my eyes as my orgasm exploded from my erection and painted my lover's bowels. It may not have been a da Vinci or a Michelangelo masterpiece, but I felt that my effort could have ranked up there with the works of some of the lesser masters. By now we were totally exhausted and we crawled into position, spooned together, and passed into oblivion until our wake-up call roused us.

Sunday morning we went out to enjoy our last meal in the city before we boarded the bus for home. It was during our bus ride back that we sprang the announcement of the second part of our surprise on Pat. He was looking out the bus window, watching the world go by, when I tried to get his attention so we could fill him in on our next endeavor.

"Pat. There is more to our little gift to you than this past weekend." A surprised look came over his face as he began to understand what we were telling him. "Listen up and we'll tell you the rest," David said as he began to tell him.

"More?" Pat interrupted. "You've done more than enough already. I've never had more fun than I've had over this past weekend."

"Well, I'm not sure if the second part can be considered fun," I interjected, "but it may give you even more freedom and independence and put you in a place where you are deeply loved."

Pat had a look of bewilderment on his face. I hoped that he was prepared for what we were about to spring on him.

"This February, Billy and I turn sixteen," David continued. "That means that, as far as the law is concerned, we can be on our own. I have slowly been draining money from my bank accounts, the one my dad set up for me and the one that contained the money my grandfather left me when he died. I've also skimmed a little extra money from my dad's credit cards and I've put all this money into another bank account with both Billy's and my name on it.

"Billy and I are planning to move to another town and get our own place. We are inviting you to join us. We both love you like a brother, not only because of what you've done for us but because of the way we get along and the way that we enjoy each other's company. It is up to you and we will honor whatever decision you make."

"Before you answer," I added, "I just want to tell you that, as far as the state is concerned, we are still living with the Kuceras. They can still collect the checks and let the world believe we're still there, not like we were hardly ever were."

Patrick looked at us with love in his eyes and we knew he was totally surprised by our announcement. We let him take a few minutes before we began to press up for an answer.

"I'm very honored that you even thought to include me in your plans. I also love you two like brothers and I couldn't think of anyone else I would be happy to join on such a venture. I don't like the idea of using all of David's money to pay for everything, so I'll get a part-time job to pay for my share of the expenses. I want you to know that this is the first time I have felt loved or needed since my mother and I were separated. I hope that Ggod will bless both of you for your thoughtfulness and generosity."

I reached out and took Patrick's hand and David placed his on mine. It was our symbolic gesture that, from here on out, we were in this together. We would be the 'Three Musketeers' of teenage independence. 'All for one and one for all!' We would now become a family, not a traditional family, but one that consisted of three beings who put each other's needs and welfare ahead of their own. Though none of us were related by blood, we were as close as any three siblings could possibly be, and we were bound by the hurt, the pain, and the obstacles we have overcome in our lives.

By the time our sixteenth birthdays arrived, every detail had been taken care of. We had the security deposit and first month's rent paid for, we had all of our things more or less packed, we had our transportation lined up to get us there. Most importantly, we had the determination in our hearts to make this work for us, no matter what other obstacles we might have to deal with.

We moved in on Presidents' Day weekend, another of our important days. David and I had already resolved that Patrick was not going to take a job unless we all did. We knew it wasn't going to be easy, considering none of us knew how to fix more than a couple of meals each, but we had our things and a furnished apartment and we were going to give every ounce of our strength and our courage to learn or do whatever was needed.

None of us went to school because that would mean transferring our records and leaving a paper trail to our new home. Instead, we decided to enroll in a G.E.D. program as soon as we could and we would get our diplomas that way. This would give us the time we needed to iron out the kinks of independent living by watching cooking shows on television and reading up on how to budget our money. We felt like we had thought of everything we would need to do to survive on our own. Oh, life is good.

Our life together went fairly smoothly. We had our little disagreements and sometimes we lost our temper with one of the others, but that was to be expected. Things like that happen when living this close together in a small apartment, on our own for the first time. I was impressed with how willing we all were to make sacrifices and to compromise for the good of us all. I grew to love these two more every day, though each in a different way.

We made it to the start of the summer and we decided that now it was time for each of us to get our part-time job. It was not for the money but to add another facet to our lives. This was something we could do apart from the others and it would give us a little time alone. There really can be too much of a good thing and our always being together proved that point. Patrick got a job in a fast food restaurant, I took a job as a short order cook at a small diner, and David accepted a job in a department store. We all liked our jobs and they also gave us a chance to learn additional skills that would help us survive on our own.

When the fall came, we got a chance to start celebrating all of the holidays together, for the first time. We threw a big party for David's and my anniversary, though we (including Pat) were the only ones there. Believe it or not, this was the fifth anniversary of our meeting that first day back in seventh grade.

Halloween was a gas and we all went trick-or-treating together. That simple activity took us back to our youth, that period that it seemed like we never got a chance to enjoy. Next up was Thanksgiving. Even though the Thanksgiving dinner didn't turn out all that well, we did enjoy the day together and we had a good laugh about what happened to the turkey (don't ask).

Christmas was a real special time for all of us. David bought Pat a chain, complete with charms, like we had for the two of us. He bought us all charms with Patrick's zodiac sign on it, Scorpio for his November 12th birth date, embedded with a citrine, his birthstone. This would show the world our closeness. We all exchanged other gifts but none more meaningful than the ones David had provided.

New Year's Eve was spent as a quiet night, alone at home. The three of us played cards and board games and we watched the big New Year's Eve celebrations on the boob tube. New Year's Day was spent watching all of the college football games together in the apartment and we bet against one another (bets like the others doing our chores for a while) on the outcome to liven things up a bit. It all ended up pretty even but we would have to do some things for a short time for which we were not accustomed.

We were now fast approaching our, David's and my, seventeenth birthdays and the one year anniversary of the 'Three Musketeers' time together on our own. Again, we wanted to plan something special for this combination party. This would take considerable thought.

In January, David came home and asked me to go with him to the teenage chapter of a gay and lesbian group. He said that it met at a local church and he hoped that, by attending the meetings, he could find a way to get through to his father and convince him to accept us as a couple. I told him that I was willing to give it a try and we attended our first meeting that Wednesday.

The meetings were pretty interesting and we got to meet a group of other gay/lesbian teenagers. We were able to discuss the problems of being gay/lesbian and we learned how the others were dealing with this, as well. We were very honest with the group and, over the course of a few meetings, we had told them most of our story. None of them had been through quite as many things as we had, but some of them had faced far worse problems, some of them life-threatening.

I was really glad that David talked me into this, as it was good to discuss these things openly and be able to be affectionate with each other out in public, sort of. We felt a strong bond with some of our new friends and we started to go over to some of their homes for meals. We even included Patrick in some of these excursions. He wasn't always into some of the conversations but he did seem to enjoy the company and the camaraderie.

When the day of our birthday/anniversary party came, we invited a group of our new friends over to help us celebrate. By this time, Patrick even had a girlfriend. He met her where he worked. He asked her to join us, after he had briefed her about all of us. She seemed as cool and unfazed by our friends and us as Patrick had always been. We were really happy that he had found someone too.

It was now the second week of May and David and I were attending our regular Wednesday meeting. The session ran a little late so we didn't hang around to socialize as we both had to work the next day. We had just left the church and started walking toward our apartment when this guy came charging at us.

"There's a couple of those faggots. Get 'em."

He ran straight at David, hitting him with some type of club that he held in his hands. I moved over to help protect my love when I was clobbered in the head, from behind, by a second individual. I hadn't noticed him until the last instant, just before he threw everything he had into his punch. I was trying hard to ward off my attacker while the other guy beat and kicked David, even as he was lying bleeding on the sidewalk. Some of our friends witnessed the attack as they left the church and they did what they could to assist us. One of them went back into the church to get the others, while the rest came to our aid. The guy that was attacking me got scared and ran off, but I'll never forget his face.

We all went after the second aggressor, as he continued to pummel David, and he kept spewing homophobic slurs as he did it.

"I'll teach you fucking faggots a lesson that you'll never forget. Hey, you gay fucker, how do you like dealing with a real man? Which one of you fairies wants it next? You, you homo bastard, what do think of your boyfriend now?"

He directed that last comment at me as he pointed down at David's limp body on the pavement. Suddenly we were surrounded by several police cars. They had their lights flashing and their sirens blaring, and they soon had the one guy in custody. I told one of the cops which direction the other assailant had fled, and he and his partner drove off to look for him. The driver of the third car called for an ambulance for David.

I learned, later, that one of the girls had gone back into the church and dialed 911. That's why the police showed up in such force. The police took some of our friends down to the police station to fill out reports but I insisted on staying with David and going to the hospital with him. I told them that we'd both give them our statements later.

I held David's limp form in my arms, cradled his head, and whispered words of encouragement into his ear. When the ambulance arrived, they put David on a stretcher, started taking his vital signs, and hooked him up to IV's. I rode in the front of the ambulance and went with him into the emergency room. They didn't want to let me stay with him, but I told them he was my boyfriend and my roommate. After some strange looks, they hesitantly agreed to let me stay.

I had heard the ambulance attendants say that David's vitals were weak, and the doctors worked furiously over him. He was covered with blood and they determined he had multiple internal injuries. They rushed him to the operating room and I had to wait in the O.R. waiting room.

Time dragged on slowly. One hour. Two hours. Now, three hours, and then, four. Next, the fifth hour had passed by and, now, we were heading toward hour number six. Sometime before the sixth hour had ended, one of the doctors came out and spoke to me.

"He's taken a vicious beating and he has a lot of injuries. He has numerous broken bones, a punctured lung and a ruptured spleen. One of his broken ribs nicked a major artery and caused a great loss of blood. Although we won't know until later, it appears that he may also have suffered some degree of brain damage."

"Will he live?"

"The next twenty-four to forty-eight hours are crucial. We've repaired as much of the damage as was possible. He's been given several units of blood and we're pumping antibiotics into his system, but we'll have to wait and see if the swelling in his brain goes down. If it doesn't lessen in the next twenty-four hours, we might have to call in a specialist to try to relieve the pressure."

"Where is he now?"

"He's in recovery but he will moved to intensive care, as soon possible."

"Can I see him?"

"When they get him to the intensive care unit. I'll leave orders with the nurses so you can go in with him. Should you call anyone else?"

I knew that I should call his father but I didn't know how I was going to do it. "Yes, I have to call his dad and our other roommate."

"Come with me and I'll take you to a phone you can use in privacy."

I dreaded this call more than anything I had ever done but I knew it was it was something that I had to do.

"Hello, Mr. Michaels?"

"Yes."

"This is Bill Maynard."

"What the hell do you want?"

"I don't know how to tell you this, sir, but David has been injured, severely. He just came out of surgery and he's in real bad shape. The doctors aren't sure if he's going to make it. I think that you'd better get here as soon as you can."

"Which hospital?"

"St. Ann's in Bakersville."

"I'll be there as quickly as I can. Thank you for calling."

That went better than I had expected, but as much as I dreaded the call, I dreaded seeing him in person far more.

I called Patrick and told him what happened and he was on his way over too. I went back to the waiting room and stayed there until a nurse came to get me and take me down to intensive care. When I walked into the room, I was horrified at the sight before me. David's beautiful face was all bruised, swollen, and covered with bandages. He had tubes sticking out of every part of his body and he was connected to a whole bunch of machines. I walked over and sat in a chair next to his bed and I slowly stroked his hand nearest me, weeping uncontrollably the whole time.

After twenty minutes or so, Patrick arrived and found his way in. He came over to comfort me by placing his hand on my back and massaging my whole upper torso. He suggested that I go get some rest or maybe a drink, but I couldn't leave David's side. I sobbed out the story to him and told him all the terrible things that the maniac was screaming. As I finished telling him the story, I looked up to see tears streaming down Patrick's face.

We had another chair brought into the room and he kept me company during my vigil. We had been sitting there for about half an hour when all sorts of alarms started going off. People began racing into the room and they ordered us out to the waiting room. Instead, we stood in the hall, watching the action in the room. One of the nurses started CPR. Another came racing in with a crash cart. When the doctor arrived, he started zapping David's body with the paddles that would send an electric current into his heart to get it started again. My lover's body leapt skyward with every jolt and, after a lot of frantic effort, the doctor looked up, shook his head, and looked at the clock on the wall. I knew at that moment that David was dead.

I raced out of there with Patrick hot on my heels and I kept running until I was standing in the main entrance doorway, gasping for air. Patrick grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me into his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around my body. He let me cry into his chest and he encouraged me to release all of the pain and sorrow that I was feeling at that minute. I heard someone coming up the walk and looked up to see David's father. I spoke out to him through my tears.

"He's gone, Mr. Michaels. Oh, God, I'm so sorry. He's gone."

Chapter 15
Justice Really is Blind

At the cemetery, I placed a bouquet of five red roses on the casket, one for each for the five years we had been in love. Patrick was a tower of strength for me and he was by my side through the whole, heart- wrenching affair. The only reason that I had left for living was to see that David's murderer got the punishment he deserved.

When we returned to our place, there were several messages from the police department. We left again, to go to the station, and I filled out an affidavit about the night that David had been brutally murdered. One of the officers informed me that the second suspect was also in custody; he had been apprehended not far from the area on that same evening. Some of our friends had already identified him in a line-up so it wouldn't be necessary for me to see him again.

We went home, feeling satisfied that the wheels of retribution were definitely in motion. I could still see those ugly, hateful looks on their faces. The newspaper reported that Richard Beilec, the man who beat David, had been a long-standing member of a neo-Nazi organization. The other man, Harvey Waters, had been spending the majority of his time with Beilec for the past several months. I guess hatred is contagious, after all.

My friends and I had been working closely with the District Attorney's Office, trying to make sure they had all the information we knew about the case, so he could put those guys away for a long time. He was going to attack this case as a hate crime, hatred against two young men for being born different from themselves.

The stack of evidence was enormous. The prosecutors had motive (hatred), one defendant had been picked up at the scene with the bloody club still in his hand, and the other defendant had been positively identified by three of our friends. There was also the medical testimony about David's injuries and cause of death and my moment-by-moment account of that evening that shall always remain burned into my memory. This case was a slam-dunk for the prosecution.

All the preliminary court appearances were over and the trial date was set. Although the preparation for the trial made me live that night over and over again, I was going to do anything that I had to do just to make sure these two beasts were punished. Of course, I was scheduled as a witness for the prosecution, but the District Attorney kept telling me that it might not come to that. He was still hoping to work out a plea agreement by offering Beilec life in prison as opposed to the death penalty and giving Waters fifteen to twenty-five instead of the twenty-five to life. I agreed that these would be satisfactory sentences and hoped the deal could be made.

I always thought that the death penalty was the easy way out. You kill the criminal and, wham, it's done and over with. You put him in prison for life and he has every day to think about why he was there and time to consider how he lost his freedom. The only thing that would be better would be if he had to keep reliving the crime over and over again, through the eyes of his victim.

I didn't mind giving Waters a lesser sentence, either. Sure, he was with Beilec but he didn't do anything to David and I had hardly been hurt. The law considered him an accomplice to murder; so be it. I certainly wasn't going to shed any tears for him and, if he got out, he might be more selective when choosing his friends.

The trial started and the prosecution presented a flawless case. After I testified, I joined Patrick every day in the gallery, watching the proceedings. Mr. Michaels was also there but once again no words passed between us. I could tell that he was visibly upset as the details of the crime were presented and I ventured a guess that no one had informed him of these facts earlier. The prosecution rested its case and the defense began its presentation.

We were all shocked when we learned of the defense strategy. They were claiming David and I had made repeated passes at the defendants and that we had pursued them even after they had rejected us. Seeing that the four of us were the only ones who were present at the beginning of the attack and David wasn't here to tell his side of the story, it was my word against theirs.

They claimed that, after repeated advances and propositions from us, they just snapped and didn't remember what happened after that. They did remember picking their weapons off of the street, which I doubted, and they claimed that the whole attack was their spontaneous response to our aggressiveness. Get that, our aggressiveness. I thought that the D.A. had done a good job casting doubt about their defense and I was fairly confident as the case went to the jury.

The jury deliberated for three days, three days of second-guessing our strategies and trying to get into the minds of the jury members to see if we could tell what they were thinking. It was during those nights of the trial that I slept my worst, not that I've slept very well since David had died, but those were particularly bad nights.

We were seated in the courtroom when the jury came back with their verdict. From that minute on, the whole scene seemed to progress in slow motion. As each count of the verdict was read, and there were several counts against each defendant, all I could remember was the jury foreperson saying 'not guilty'. I was stunned beyond belief but somewhere along the line I did hear a 'guilty' verdict for one of the charges.

The courtroom erupted in mayhem as family and friends were outraged about what they had just heard. The judge tried desperately to regain order as he banged his gavel down repeatedly and asked for 'order in the court'. I finally came back to my senses during this period and I walked up to the D.A. and asked him what the guilty verdict was for. He looked at me, with an expression of failure etched on his face, and he answered me that it was for the simple assault charge. I asked him what they could get for that and he told me that it could mean up to a year in jail.

A year! Just a year and in jail and not prison! It couldn't be. This was not possible. Was the jury filled with homophobes? How could this have happened? I ran to Patrick, clutched his arm, and dragged him from the courtroom. I couldn't stand to look at the smug expressions on Beilec's and Waters' faces. I stood outside, trying to discuss what happened with Patrick, questioning how this could have possibly come about. I happened to look up just in time to see Mr. Michaels leave the courthouse. He had fire in his eyes and he stood at the top of the outer stairway, scanning the area. He spotted us and he bolted down the steps in our direction.

He came straight for me, looking like he might want to rip my heart out, when another person stepped between us. He tried to push this person away, I'm not sure who it was, but, when he saw that he couldn't move him, he stood there screaming at me.

"This is all your fault, you little asshole. If it weren't for you, David would still be alive. I knew that you were no good from the start. It was your turning David into a queer that cost him his life. I tried to protect him. I tried to keep him from you but, no, you had to have him even if it meant killing him in the process. You're to blame. This is all your fault."

At first, I was stunned by the viciousness of this attack but, soon, I was equally pissed. He wasn't going to unload this whole thing on me. I was going to tell him what I thought about his role in this whole mess, as well.

"It was your narrow-mindedness that caused this, not mine. Why couldn't you just accept us for who we were? We didn't ask to be gay. I didn't make David gay. We were born gay. Why couldn't you understand that? Why couldn't you accept the fact that we loved each other deeply? Why did you try so hard to split us up?

"If you hadn't had me arrested and sent away, we wouldn't have had to sneak around and meet like criminals. David wouldn't have had to come looking for me, yes, he was the one who first contacted me when I got out of juvenile hall. He wouldn't have moved away from you or your home. He wouldn't have been estranged from you and we wouldn't have been coming from that church that night and we wouldn't have been on that street. The only reason we were there is that David thought he might find a way to get you to accept us as a couple. That's all he wanted. That's all he asked for. He just wanted you to accept the fact that we were a couple who were deeply in love. Yes, two boys can be deeply in love. Our friends could accept it. Why couldn't you?

"True, maybe I was partially to blame for this, but so were you. You can't put this entirely on my shoulders because you're to blame as well. All David wanted was your love and acceptance and you wouldn't give it to him. You wouldn't give it to us."

Mr. Michaels was stunned by the forcefulness of my verbal attack. At first he just stood there in shock and then, as my words struck home, he collapsed into a sobbing lump of man flesh. Instinctively, I went to him and hugged him. I didn't hate the man. I just didn't understand him. After all, he was David's father and the only link that I still had to my love. After many minutes of crying and my holding him, he looked up at me with the saddest eyes I had ever seen.

"I'm sorry. Will you forgive me? I thought I was protecting David but I was only hurting him more. Please, say you'll forgive a stupid old man."

I forgave him and we both cried, there on the grass, for a long, long time. I just wish David could have seen this. He finally understood, but it was too late. It was too late for David, too late for himself, and too late to save our love.

I went through the next several months numb and in a stupor. David had put both Patrick's name and mine on the savings account he had opened when we all moved in together, so we had money to live off of without working. Both of us quit our jobs. I quit because I couldn't force myself out of the apartment and Pat quit because he didn't trust what I'd do if he left me alone. Patrick and his girl friend spent nearly every minute with me, fearing that I might do something drastic if they weren't around.

As the months wore on, I began to bring myself out of my deep depression. I think that I had something roughly planned in the back of my mind. I started to go out on my own and I started seeing some of my other friends. I never forgot about David or about how the justice system had failed us for the second time.

I went back to the police station and found out when Beilec and Waters were getting out of jail. I also found out that the release time was at midnight.

As the day of their release approached, I just couldn't stop thinking about it. When that evening arrived, I put on my overcoat, grabbed a couple of other items that I thought I might need and I walked over to the county jail to watch these two scum go free. I stood, leaning against a lamppost across from the main entrance to the jail, and I waited. A couple of minutes after midnight, I saw the two of them walk out the front door, down the stairs to the sidewalk and, then, into the street. They were laughing and having a good time with each other.

I started walking toward them and Beilec immediately saw me.

"Look who's here, Harv. It's one of the fag boys. I guess he's come back for some more. Looks like he needs a real man to fill the void, now that his faggy lover is dead."

I pushed the right side of my coat back and lifted the shotgun that was hidden underneath it. Beilec was stunned as I lifted the weapon, pointed it at his chest, and pulled the trigger. Waters started screaming and ran away as I pumped another round into the chamber. I stood over Beilec's prostrate form and fired a second round into his chest.

Several deputies ran out of the Sheriff's department, weapons drawn and pointing at me. I dropped the shotgun that I had stolen from my grandfather's house and I raised my hands. I was put under arrest and taken to the same jail Beilec had just left.

I didn't fight the charges that were filed against me. Hell, I had nothing left to live for. I didn't even try to defend myself because even I felt that my actions were indefensible. I just felt at the time that something had to be done and that Beilec couldn't be allowed to get away with what he did to my lover. I made my lawyer turn the trial into a political statement and we also corrected some of the misconceptions from the first trial. Harvey Waters agreed to testify on my behalf that we had never made a pass at them that night long ago and that we had done nothing to provoke the assault. He admitted that Beilec took them both there for the sole purpose of beating up a few queers. He also admitted that Beilec had brought that club with him and it was not a weapon of convenience. He had nothing to lose from admitting this now, as he never claimed any of that himself at the first trial. Because of that fact, there was no possible perjury charge against him and he couldn't be retried, because of double jeopardy. I think that he also felt that he owed me that much for not killing him too and for letting him walk away that evening.

We made David a martyr against hate crimes and we let people know that gay bashing was not an acceptable pastime. We made the statement that gays were not just a group of sissies and cowards who could be pushed around and assaulted at will. We let the world know that we would fight back and we would exact revenge for crimes committed against us, even if the law couldn't or wouldn't do so. I didn't pursue any appeals to my conviction, either, and I turned down numerous offers of assistance where that was concerned. I was sentenced to death for premeditated murder and I accepted it stoically. I guess the justice system does work on occasion. That's why I'm lying here on this cold metal table.

I only asked for one thing to happen after my death. There was only one thing that would have any meaning or add any positive reason for my existence. I asked Patrick to make sure that I was buried with the chain and all of the charms that David had given me. I wanted him to be with me forever, even in death. As the poison begins to enter my veins and starts to do its job, my mind drifts to thoughts of David and I leave this world thinking only of him, and I look forward to being with my lover once more.

"I wish to report that William Raymond Maynard was put to death by lethal injection for crimes committed against the People of the State of New York. The official time of death was 12:17 A.M., Eastern Standard Time."

The End