Chapter 12

Simon thought that kissing Caroline was more than amazing. It was overwhelming. Once more the cabbie had to remind them of where they were, and they separated with guilty grins. Simon paid the fare and turned to Caroline, kissing her again. He groped in his pocket for his key, panic hitting him for a moment before he found it. He opened the door and let her in, gesturing with a finger against his lips that she should be quiet.

They crept up the stairs and into his room. Once inside, Simon took her coat and removed his jacket and tie, hanging them temporarily on the door of his wardrobe. He led Caroline to his bed, and they sat on it’s edge for a while, making out quite seriously, yet still fully clothed.

Abruptly a thought crossed Simon’s mind, and he forced himself to pull away. He forced his voice to work. “I’m – I’m s-sorry!” he stammered.

“What on earth for?” Caroline asked, surprised.

“I’m doing what you said they all did. Your other boyfriends,” he explained.

Caroline’s eyes went soft. Her voice was soft, gentle, too, “No, Simon. They expected. I had to suggest it to you. No, you’re not like them. Not at all,” she finished as she lunged at him, capturing his face with a hand on either side and kissing him silly. Bemused, amused, he gave in and kissed her back.

Simon felt his erection hard, insistent, poking against the inside of his jeans above his underwear. He’d already found Caroline’s nipples, hard, popped up like buttons. ‘Just like Marianne’s’ he thought fleetingly, then all thought was erased as Caroline rubbed her hand against his groin.

He slipped a hand under her blouse, revelling in the feel of skin against his palm. He reminded himself that he wanted to go slowly, to give Caroline the chance to set limits. But Caroline didn’t seem to want to set any limits; she attacked his belt, one handed, awkwardly because of their positions side-by-side on the bed. Simon took his hand away from her to help with the belt but she moaned, “No, let me. Please, keep touching me,” and he did as he was asked, sliding his hand so that he could caress the sensitive skin around her navel with his thumb.

Still their lips pressed, tongues played with each other. Finally Simon moved a little, easing the angle for Caroline to undo his belt while he, in turn, nuzzled the side of her throat, gently nibbling with lip-covered teeth, licking the slightly salty flesh. With a cry of victory Caroline celebrated her success in opening his belt, she swiftly undid the snap of his trousers and snaked a hand inside to find the hard maleness inside.

Simon’s thoughts were chaotic, confused, fleeting things. This felt nice, felt wonderful, mustn’t push things, let her dictate the pace. He huffed when she gripped him, sliding his own hand up her body and under her bra to caress and mould the underside of her breast in his hand. She, in turn, mewled like a cat when he found her nipple, finger and thumb touching it directly for the first time, then sliding the palm over its hard, bumpy surface.

Simon kept one hand on her breast while sliding the other under the blouse on the small of her back, caressing her spine as he lifted it slowly upwards. He found the bra strap and undid the catch left handed, with a dexterity that surprised even him. Caroline was making small sounds, almost short moans, before she removed her hand from his penis and began undoing the buttons on his shirt. He let her, shifting his hands to caress the flesh at her sides from the bottom of her ribs to her hips, giving her space to complete her task.

He briefly took time to remove his cufflinks before allowing Caroline to lift his shirt free. She dropped the shirt to the floor and ran her hands over his chest for a moment, feeling the muscle under the skin. Simon would never have the figure of a bodybuilder, but he was in good shape. Caroline drank in the sight, the feel of his sparsely haired upper body, following the thin, pale line of hair that went from just beneath his navel, heading south…

“Turnabout is fair play,” he murmured, and reached for the thin fabric of her blouse. There was the slightest hint of a shake in his hands as he undid each button before peeling back the garment. Caroline lifted her arms and Simon took it off her, dropping it beside his shirt. Her bra, the catch undone, slid down, revealing her breasts. They were achingly familiar to him and yet seen for the first time as Caroline stood, dropping the bra to the floor on top of her blouse and reaching for the fastening of her trousers.

“Now, Simon. Now.”

He understood her intent, and quickly divested himself of the remainder of his clothes. She was as quickly naked as he. Then she took him in her arms, and he wrapped himself around her. Their kiss was soft, yet fervent; he felt her touching him, physically and even more, emotionally. She whispered to him, “Let me show you another type of dancing I’m good at, Simon…”

She did. She disparaged her sister, often and loudly, but she’d learned a lot from her, and then applied her own skills and creativity. As with dancing on her feet, Caroline proved that she was a mistress of horizontal dancing, too.

Yet Simon found an appealing something in her behaviour as well. Caroline wasn’t innocent, by no means, but she wasn’t tired, either. When he first entered her heated, well-lubricated sheath she gasped, “Oh!” and hugged him. Simon stopped, afraid for a moment that he’d hurt her, but Caroline smiled and pulled him in deeper. There was a look almost of wonder on her face as he began to move within her, slowly pumping, and she moved in concert with him. They swiftly achieved a balance and rhythm and began stoking their fires.

Simon’s self-control had vastly improved since his first encounter with Marianne. It was just as well, Caroline hadn’t thought to have him come before he entered her, and now… now she had him on a knife edge quickly. He buried himself in her, holding still, but Caroline continued to move, grinding her clit against him with a movement of her pelvis. “Don’t worry, Simon,” she told him, “don’t hold back. There’ll be more than one chance tonight.”

Simon refused to give in without trying to bring her to climax though. He fought to hold his own eruption back, but it was no use. Caroline’s control of her inner muscles was good, and she virtually milked him, forcing him to climax. He gasped, then with a loud, almost despairing groan he came, forcing himself as deeply inside Caroline as he could, eyes shut tight. When he opened them again Caroline was looking at him tenderly, stroking his face.

“Thank you, Simon. Thank you.”

He kissed her, softly. “Thank you,” he told her. She put a finger against his lips.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted that, Simon. Ever since I first kissed you beside the ambulance after the fire. I’ve wanted you, needed you.”

There were things unspoken between them, things that would have to be explored later, but for now Simon was content to stay, his weight held on his arms, still hard and inside the beautiful brunette under him.

Later, Caroline proved to be almost as adept as her sister in giving oral pleasure. She got him hard in nothing flat, then brought him to the brink of climax and kept him there, loving his penis, bringing mewls from him before finally taking the tip into her mouth and sucking, stroking him to another wonderful climax.

Later still, Simon returned the oral favour. He’d been enthusiastic about giving head before, but Marianne had, by careful verbal and non-verbal feedback, shown him more about how to please a woman that way. Caroline came, and came again as he stroked her with tongue and lips and fingers.

Afterwards, they lay on his bed side by side, fingers of one hand entwined, staring up at the ceiling.

“I think we’re compatible,” Caroline proposed, dreamily.

“Mmmm. Me too,” Simon agreed.

Tonight, he’d decided to stop thinking. He knew he would go over things in his mind sometime, but not now. Not with Caroline a warm, sated, wonderful person lying next to him. He didn’t want to break the spell, didn’t want to think of anything, he just wanted to exist in this moment. Caroline rolled towards him, cuddling into him, and he felt her nipples spring into life once more as they grazed across his chest.

She idly played with his chest hair again. She seemed to like it.

“What’s your Mum going to think, Caroline?” he asked her.

“The truth. She’ll think I stayed over with you, of course. I’ll ring her in the morning, let her know I’m all right – if that’s okay with you.”

“Sure. Well, it’s Mum & Dad’s phone bill really, but – sure.”

They fell asleep like that, her cuddled into him, he lying on his back, softly snoring.

- - - - - - - - - -

Two days later, Simon was having serious second thoughts.

They’d been on another date, which had once again ended in his bed. The sex was great, and they connected better than even he and Marianne had. But…

Caroline had grabbed him out of the ashes of his relationship with her sister before they were cold. Marianne had picked him up, enjoyed him and left him before he knew what was happening. Her Aunt had basically used him. Who knew what would happen next with that family?

In addition he was disgusted with himself. He now considered it a betrayal of Marianne when he thought of his night with Allison, even with the nod and wink he’d received from his girlfriend. Honest, loyal people didn’t do that, and Simon had been brought up to be both of those things.

Also, a little drink was one thing, but Simon had smoked what he’d been offered and knew in his heart that he’d have given in on the cocaine as well…

He tried rationalising that he was under duress; the temptation was something most people would have given into. (It wouldn’t have done any harm, surely?) Like Allison. Like Caroline. He even blamed himself for not speaking out when Jennifer had blown him, he could have, should have made sure it was Marianne, shouldn’t he?

Round and round and round his thoughts went.

His leave from the Service was up, he was due back on-shift that night. It was the one sure, certain thing in his life now, the one thing that he knew he wouldn’t betray and that would look after him. Simon made his decision.

He telephoned Caroline before leaving the house.

Caroline was plainly delighted to hear from him. “Hello Simon!” she replied when her Mother passed her the phone.

“Hi Caroline. Look, can you meet me tomorrow?”

“What time?”

“How about we go for some lunch?” he asked.

“Okay!” came her bright reply, “I look forward to it!”

“I’ll see you, then, Caroline,” she said, before placing the receiver on its rest. He had a heavy heart, but he was convinced he’d made the right decision.

- - - - - - - - - -

Simon jumped off the bus and turned, looking for Caroline. Suddenly he was hit from behind, arms wrapped around him and he heard a voice gaily call, “Gotcha!”

Despite himself, he grinned. Turning, he saw Caroline in a T-shirt and scandalously tight hot-pants. She kissed him, he found himself kissing her back. He pulled away, steeling himself.

“Let’s go grab a bite to eat and a drink. The ‘Anchor’ does good pub grub,” he suggested, and Caroline willingly went along with him.

The pub was almost opposite the bus stop, and in no time they’d ordered drinks and food. Caroline hung on his arm as they made their way to one of the tables.

Once seated, Simon took a deep breath, and collected his thoughts.

“”I’ve been thinking, Caroline,” he started.

“Oh-oh,” she giggled, “sounds heavy.”

“Actually, it is,” he answered. Her smile vanished as if a fuse had blown. “I think we’ve gone a bit far, a bit fast.”

“Huh?”

He leaned forward, trying to convey how sincere and thoughtful he was being.

“Caroline, Marianne broke up with me. That hurt. We had a date the next day, and slept together the same night. Then we did it again the night before last. It’s too soon for me. I haven’t had a chance to process things yet.”

“You don’t want to sleep with me, is that it? If you want to slow things down, we can do that – though if you ask me, the genie’s out of the bottle now.”

“No, not that. Well, yes, that, but not just that.” He held his head. “I’m messing this up.”

“You’re breaking up with me.”

Caroline’s voice, while still hers, was slow, lifeless, doom laden.

He reached for her, but she drew back, not willing to let him touch her. Her face was contorted; her tears were only seconds away.

“I think we ought to go back a step or two, that’s all. I think we started dating too quickly. I’m not ready, not yet.”

He could see Caroline struggling to maintain her decorum and her dignity, but he could also see that it was held by a narrow thread.

“You’re a sweet girl, Caroline…”

“But this is the ‘let her down gently’ speech, isn’t it?” she interrupted. “Christ, in a moment you’ll tell me you think we should just be friends. Talk about cliché.”

Simon couldn’t hold her gaze, he looked away and muttered, “I’m sorry.”

“Why?” she snarled at him. “Had enough of me already? Not as good as Marianne?”

He sat up again and regained eye contact. “Oh, no, Caroline, it’s not like that! I think you’re better than Marianne! I think you’re amazing!”

“But…?” The single word question was cocked and loaded, a shotgun blast waiting to go off.

He slumped. “But I’m trying to let you down gently, as you say. I’m not ready for this, Caroline.”

Then he jumped back upright in his seat when Caroline slammed her hand down on the table between them.

“Well then, it’s over!” she shouted, leaping to her feet, her chair falling over behind her. The pub, full of lunchtime customers, now all had their eyes on the couple. “Had what you want, didn’t you. ‘Had both of the twins’, didn’t you?” she cried in a sing-song voice, shaking her head in time with the words. “Well Fuck you, Simon Cook!” She stormed off, head high but tears now falling, leaving Simon sitting in the wreckage.

Eventually he pulled himself together and stood.

“Sorry about that,” he announced to the pub in general, to poorly muffled sniggers. He felt it was what he deserved. He paid for the uneaten meal and the drinks and left, depressed, upset and not a little angry.

He arrived home and his mother immediately saw that something was up.

“Simon?”

“Nothing, Mum. I’ll see you later,” was his answer, from halfway up the stairs. He shut the door and lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling. He was due on-watch at seven that evening. He had several hours to brood.

Not long afterwards though he was interrupted. He answered the knock on the door with an annoyed “Yes, what?”

“I’ve brought you up some tea, Simon,” his mother called from outside.

Simon pulled himself together, sitting up on the bed, swinging his legs down to the side. “Oh, sorry Mum. Thanks!”

The door opened and his mother laid the cup and saucer on his bedside table. She sat on the bed next to him.

“Want to talk about it, Simon,” she enquired, gently. “It helps, you know.”

“Not really.”

“Okay, then. I’m here if you change your mind,” she told him with a sad smile. She stood and was smoothing her skirt when Simon changed his mind.

“I broke up with Caroline.”

“But… but you only just started going out with her, Simon!” his mother exclaimed, sitting back down.

“Yeah, I know. It didn’t go well.”

“Oh, Simon. She was really pretty, and obviously doted on you. And so soon after breaking up with her sister, too. Why?”

“That’s what she asked,” he told his mother in a dull monotone. “I told her it was too soon, but the truth is I don’t think I can trust her, or her family or myself when I’m near them. I did some stupid things while I was at Knebworth, and I nearly did something even worse. I’m not like that, Mum, I’m honest, decent, hardworking. I don’t have sex with people just for the fun of it, I don’t take drugs and I don’t cheat on people.”

“Simon,” his mother pointed out gently, “actually you used to swap from one girl to the next, almost week-by-week, before Marianne. Surely you’re not trying to tell me you didn’t have sex with some of those girls?”

He blushed. He still wasn’t used to his mother talking about sex with him.

“Okay, yes, so I did. But I haven’t after that.”

“So you and Marianne, and then you and Caroline?”

He didn’t answer.

“They meant something to you? Marianne meant something to you, didn’t she, Simon?” his mother asked, softly but insistently.

“Yes,” he answered, “Yes, she did. She meant a lot to me, Mum, and I threw it away.”

Slowly, Jackie Cook drew out of her son the story of that night. With subtle questions from her, he told her of the party after the festival, and edited highlights of what had happened there. He didn’t try to hide his own actions, his own faults, indeed he built them up.

“I was just about to grab the cocaine when Caroline came into the room with the band’s singer,” he told his mother. “Caroline got me out of there, and as we left I heard Shaun really ripping into Allison about the stuff. Then we bumped into Marianne. With Chris. Caroline says she got a signal from her sister that she could take me, if she wanted, but I wasn’t up to much by that point. Actually, all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole.”

“That’s understandable, Simon. Honestly! You know I don’t hold with drugs. You youngsters… but Simon, you hadn’t done anything wrong had you? You can’t be unfaithful if she tells you it’s okay, and you didn’t take the cocaine. We’ll deal with the other stuff later though, young man,” she added warningly.

He nodded. “I know, Mum, I know. I’m not proud of it. But Marianne…  it felt like I’d betrayed her, Mum. I don’t care what she said, it felt like I’d two-timed her. I’m not like that.”

“But Simon, Marianne was with Chris. It was even, this whatever-it-was that you two had going.”

“I know, Mum. It still doesn’t make it feel right.”

“And then?”

“Then, Marianne tells me that she wants to be with Chris, that she’ll always love me but that it’s over between us, yadda yadda.”

“Caroline?”

“Oh, Caroline’s already latched onto me at that point. She’s had a crush on me since I rescued her from the fire – the one at Ronnie’s Caff, remember that one? – and now she persuades me to take her on a date, we get physical on the first one, and after the second one, and I get cold feet or something and call a halt. Breaking her heart. She caused a big scene down at the ‘Anchor’.”

Simon was a picture of misery. His mother put one hand in front of her mouth and laid the other on his shoulder.

“I didn’t mean to hurt her, Mum,” he whispered, not trusting his voice.

“I know, you wouldn’t, Simon. You’re a fine young man, and your father and I are immensely proud of you.”

“Even now, Mum? Even now when I’ve told you what a cheating, drug taking shit I am?”

Jackie took his shoulders and shook him, firmly. “That’s not you, Simon Cook! In the first place, like I told you, I don’t think you cheated. In the second place, giving in to temptation once with a little marijuana isn’t the end of the world. Finally, you’re not a ‘little shit’ and haven’t been since your early teenage years!” She took a breath and continued more calmly, “Don’t put yourself down, Simon. You’re not evil incarnate, you’re a young man and like all young men you sometimes make mistakes.”

“Not like Mums, eh?” he asked with a reluctant smile.

Jackie tossed her head back and laughed. “No, we Mums are infallible!”

He felt the spirit of this honest talk demanded that he come clean.

“Mum? That wasn’t the first spliff I’ve smoked, actually.”

“Oh. Well I’m not surprised, though I am disappointed. Don’t tell your father, he really would fly off the handle.”

Simon shook his head.

“You don’t smoke that stuff on duty, do you?” she asked, alarmed at the thought that had popped into her head.

“God, no!” Simon spluttered. Suddenly he laughed at the image of John Tierney sharing a spliff with him while going into a burning building. “I can just see it now, ‘Hey, man, look at all the pretty flames!’” he mock-droned. “No, Mum, I don’t even drink too much if I’m going on-shift. Dangerous, that.”

His mother shuddered. “Thank God! I suppose I should have known better, but the thought just came to me. Oohh!”

“I can just see that at the equipment check, you know. ‘Everyone got their funny cigarettes?’ It’d go down really well with the officers,” he smirked.

His mother gave him a sharp look and was about to tell him that it wasn’t a joking matter, but stopped herself. At least her son wasn’t moping any more.

“I think I’ll have a bath, Mum, get ready for tonight,” he told her, feeling considerably better. “I’ll talk to John about it, I expect he’ll drag me out tomorrow night and we can drown my sorrows for a bit, then he or Patty can try to fix me up with some girl friend of theirs. Back to normal, I guess.” He gave his mother an odd look, halfway between amused and disgusted. “Those two are worse than you for trying to marry me off.”

Jackie laughed and stood up. “I’ll leave you to it, then Simon.”

His mother was at the door when Simon called to her, “Mum? Thanks.”

She turned in the doorway and gave him a smile full of motherly love. “You’re welcome, son of mine. It’s what Mums are for!”

- - - - - - - - - -